Archives For Ryan

I See A Therapist

May 17, 2013 — 9 Comments

In the summer of 2004 I said to myself, “I need to see a therapist.”  I remember where I was standing and how I felt when I said it.

On September 2nd, 2010, I saw Dr. S for the first time.

It took me over six years to make that first appointment.

What took me so long?  Looking back, I believe the stigma of “seeing a therapist” is what caused the delay.  Forgive my generalization, but I’m a man.  Men believe they can handle things on their own.  We don’t like asking for help because it makes us look weak.  At least that’s our perception.  In reality, asking for help when you need it is one of the strongest things you can do.  Especially if you’ve been driving in the wrong direction for an hour and everybody knows it, but you don’t want to admit it.  Am I right?!  Anyway, for me, I didn’t want anybody to know about the dark feelings bubbling underneath.  Heck, I didn’t want to believe they were there myself!  I wanted to be a good dad and husband and take care of everything on my own.  So, I stuffed it all deep down inside.

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In January I had the pleasure of traveling to Boston for an event with my friend Tony Memmel.  Due to some unforeseen circumstances (ahem – missed my bus from Madison), I ended-up getting to the airport a little early.  I sat down to eat breakfast and a little while later I noticed Tony and his mom, Katie, sitting at a table on the other side of the food court.  Instead of going over, I just watched.  I know that sounds creepy, but I don’t mean it that way.  I just mean that I watched a mother and her son enjoying their time together.  They smiled, they laughed, they looked comfortable; like two people genuinely enjoying each others company.  Eventually, I did make my way over and we walked toward our gate together.  They hugged, said their “I love you’s” and told each other to be safe.  ”There’s all this weird construction around the airport right now; I don’t like that she has to drive in it,” Tony told me.

8355626Having recently finished Katie’s book, Five Fingers, Ten Toes: A Mother’s Story of Raising a Child With a Limb-Difference, the exchange I witnessed between the two of them in January comes as no surprise.  They are quite the pair, those two!  In her book, Katie recounts her journey as a young mother raising a different kind of child.  What I love most about Katie’s story is the honesty with which she tells it.  Her struggles, her fears, her bad reactions, her confusion…all on display.  What is also on display, though, is her growth and her wisdom.  She shares with us her philosophies on parenting and tells us how she did it without making the reader feel like they’re a bad person if they don’t do it the same way.

It was so interesting for me as a limb-different person to read about the experience from her perspective.  To hear about the painful beginnings in the delivery room and to know that my own mother went through much the same experience.  To see the many parallels between Tony and I.  My mom read the book, too, and hasn’t felt able to talk about it with me yet.  ”It’s so, so powerful, Ryan,” she told me, “I’ve had to set it down numerous times to just cry and remember.”  She connected so deeply with the joy and the pain that Katie went through and found it overwhelming to know other women went through the same thing.  If you’re a parent, especially a mom, of a limb-different child, you need to read this book.  It will affect you deeply.

Ultimately, though, Five Fingers, Ten Toes is a book for anyone that likes a good story;  Katie’s is rich and she tells it well.  And it’s not only Tony’s inspiring story about overcoming obstacles along the way to becoming an accomplished musician.  It’s a story about a mother and a father, finding their way.  A sister (Hi, Megan!) who was loved by her brother and parents and has her own story to tell.  It’s about a family.  It’s about love and respect and hope.

And I, for one, am I’m so thankful Katie shared it.

You can purchase Katie’s book through Amazon or her website and you can learn more about Tony at his website, TonyMemmel.com.

If you’re not a mom, this’ll probably be weird to read.  That said, if you have a mom or you know a mom, you should totally have them read this.

So, here’s the deal: Moms are awesome.

And let’s get this out of the way, too: My wife, mom, step-mom and mother-in-law are the best.

Ok, now let’s get to you.

You’re an awesome mom.  I don’t care if you feel like you suck as a mom or not; you’re awesome.  Do you yell at your kids sometimes?  Do you park yourself on the couch and tell your kids it’s ok to watch Netflix for a couple hours sometimes?  Do you wish your kids could spend the year at your parents’ sometimes?  Do you read blogs and magazines and think to yourself, “I’M THE WORST MOTHER IN THE WORLD!” sometimes?

Sure.  My understanding is that all mothers do this.

Well, except for the ones in the magazines.

I just want to tell you right now that feeling these things doesn’t make you suck as a mom.  It makes you human.  It makes you a woman who does more for her family than can be adequately quantified.  You deal with more crap, literally and figuratively, than most men can comprehend.

Let’s be honest…you probably won’t receive as much recognition as you deserve today.  In fact, you’re probably going to have to clean-up after your kids and husband who have made you breakfast.  A breakfast you might enjoy half of, by the way.  I actually just now asked my wife what she wants for breakfast.  I figure it’s better she gets what she wants than me and the kids making a bunch of stuff she won’t like.  Magical!

Anyway, that’s why I wanted to tell you you’re awesome.  Hopefully your family will do something nice for you.  You deserve it.  I don’t even know you (probably) and I’m still confident in that fact.  You’re doing your best.  And even when you feel like you’re not doing your best, you want to be.

And here’s the truth:

You are enough.  Will you keep growing and learning and gaining wisdom through experience?  Of course.  But right now, today, the woman you are is enough.  Please take time to appreciate yourself.  Take time today to remember what you love about your kids.  Be proud of all you’ve accomplished so far and look forward to all that lies ahead.  Treat yourself to something that will make you smile.

In the last year and a half I have come into contact with so many amazing mothers because of Living One-Handed.  Mothers who share their struggles and successes in regards to raising kids who are different.  I see mothers helping each other on a daily basis.  It’s incredible.  And you know what?  None of them think they’re amazing.  They’re just moms doing what moms do.  Well, I have news for you…

You are amazing.

All of you.

Happy Mother’s day!

My mom on her birthday last month. Doesn't she look fantastic?!

My mom on her birthday last month. Doesn’t she look fantastic?!

Episode 2 is live!

In this episode we hear from Holly Franklin.  Holly lost her hand when she was 29, so her experience is quite different than my own.  Even so, we have many similarities, including a reliance on humor to get us through!  Also, she has an Australian accent, so…there’s that.  We have a great conversation about her story, prosthetics, how she deals with people who stare and her incredible invention, the 1-Up hair tie!

Holly’s been gracious enough to donate THREE 1-Up hair ties for POH listeners!  How cool is that??  Enter below for your chance to win!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Also, here the link to the piece I wrote about my grandpa that I mention in this episode: Heaven Gained A Hero.

Lastly, dont forget to send me a question for Ask Ryan!  It can be about anything.  I’ll try not to ridicule you like I did Brandon T.  No guarantees, though.

Hope you enjoyed the episode!  If so, I’d love if you left a review on iTunes and a comment below!

The conversation started the same as it always does: me complaining about my lack of self-discipline.

I’m still not eating well.  I haven’t yet started running again.  My writing isn’t where I want it to be.  I’m still not focusing completely on the kids when I’m with them.  On and on and on…the same things, over and over.  There’s no question that my desires are good. Becoming a better person is a noble pursuit, right?  Anybody who’s tried, though, knows it’s not easy.  Steven Pressfield talks about how we experience Resistance when we try to better ourselves in his book The War of Art (must read).  I think he’s right.

My friend and I had spoken about focus in previous conversations.  Instead of trying to improve everything incrementally and spreading myself thin, why not try focusing on one or two areas for a specified amount of time?  This time, as he spoke about focusing on just one area and “maintaining” the others, I started to sweat.  And I sighed a lot. Continue Reading…

Heaven Gained A Hero

April 2, 2013 — 6 Comments

Heaven is a much funnier place today.

My grandpa, Edwin Haack, age 93, passed away this morning surrounded by his loving family; one that knows how to love because he showed them how to do it well.

I’m using this space to share three things today: A little bit about who my grandpa was, a couple of my favorite memories and the experience of having him pass through hospice.  It might be a little raw, so thank you for your understanding.

Grandpa was born in November of 1919, one five children; three boys and two girls.  He grew-up in the Madison area and even attended Madison East High School.  On New Year’s Day in 1942 he married my grandma, June, and they’d go on to have ten children.  TEN.  My daughter Anna’s middle name is June, after my grandmother, actually.  Shortly after they were married, grandpa 522428_10152689632555603_569833583_nwas drafted by the United States Army and ended-up serving nearly for four years with extensive time spent in New Guinea and the Philippines during WWII.  He was promoted to Staff Sargent status within the 32nd Infantry Division, 127th Regiment.  The 32nd Infantry Division, the Red Arrow Division, was credited with many “firsts” and logged a total of 654 days of combat during World War II, more than any other United States Army division.  While in Leyte (Philippines), grandpa suffered a serious wound to his right leg and was awarded the Purple Heart (more on this later).  When he got back home, he finally met his first child, Bonnie.  She was nearly three when he met her for the first time.

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The Man, The Myth, The Legend

The Man, The Myth, The Legend

Mister Rogers is my hero.

Not was, but is.

And I wish you could get inside my brain to understand how serious I am.  Every time I immerse myself in Mister Rogers related material – books, quotes, videos, documentaries – I cry.  I cry when I listen to him talk slowly and carefully, telling me that he likes me.  I cry when he accepts awards by asking everyone to take time and think of those they’re thankful for.  I cry when I watch him speak to the US Senate on behalf of millions of children and, in the process, change the mind of a gruff senator through kindness and humility.  I cry when I read about the countless lives he touched while here on Earth.

Fred McFeely Rogers would have been 85 years old today.

In honor of his birth and life, I’d like to share a few things I love about Mister Rogers, the man.

First of all, and this isn’t one of the three things, but…Fred Rogers represents the term “hero” well.  Heroes scare me, actually.  In this day and age, it seems we just wait for them to fall and, more often than we’d like, they do.  The more we find out about Fred Rogers, though, the more his legacy seems to be strengthened.  In fact, I’m convinced that instead of saying, “See, told ya!” when an icon fell, Fred would be consumed with telling them he cares about them and he’d try to help them.  He’d want to know what led them here.  He’d want to know their story.  Which is the first thing I love about him…

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It’s finally here!

The debut episode of Podcasting One-Handed is up and running (subscribe on iTunes here and/or checkout the bottom of this post!).

I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time, actually.  In fact, I went to school for radio and TV broadcasting back in 1997, so this is kind of a rekindling of that passion.  And I have way more control than when I was working overnights at an AM radio station!

My hope for this podcast is for it to be fun, interesting and helpful.  In future episodes I’ll answer questions from listeners and I hope to have many, many guests on.  People have such cool stories and I can’t wait to hear them and share them with you!  Some people who have already agreed to be on: Aron Ralston, Holly Franklin, Noah Galloway, Jen Bricker, Kristy Allison-McDonald…and I’m hoping to speak with Sarah Herron, Josh Sundquist, Kevin Connolly, Nick Vujicic, Sean Stephenson and more!  If you have other ideas of who you’d like to hear from, please let me know!  I also love music and sports, so I wouldn’t be surprised to hear from some of them, too.

In this, the first episode, I got to talk to two people.  The first one is Jim Abbott, my boyhood hero.

Jim with my team, the Brewers

Jim with my team, the Brewers

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Aron Ralston Swore At Me

February 21, 2013 — 4 Comments

“You lucky son of a b****,” Aron Ralston said as he playfully punched me.

Find out why…after the break

It’s like The Bachelor all up in here.

I’ll get to why Aron said that to me in a minute, but first, how did I even get myself in that position?  Aron was in Madison today as part of the Distinguished Lecture Series on the UW-Madison campus.  In case you’re not familiar, Aron is “that guy who got stuck in a canyon and had to cut his arm off to get free.”  My friend Mary told me about his upcoming appearance last week.  Thanks, Mary!  I’ve gone to previous lectures and they are always well attended, so I showed up nearly an hour early and it paid off.  I had a great seat even though there were probably a thousand people there.  Such a great turnout to hear him speak!

Aron’s presentation was fantastic.  He walked us through his story, his presentation interspersed with both drama and humor.  He punctuated parts of his story with the lessons he learned from selected events, like the importance of accountability and what he learned about courage and commitment from his ordeal.  He also told us what it’s like to drink your own pee and yes, he went into detail about how he cut his arm off.  Insane.  The whole thing was a wonderful learning experience for a budding speaker like myself, too.

"I suppose drinking your own pee is better than drinking someone else's pee." True fact.

“I suppose drinking your own pee is better than drinking someone else’s pee.” True fact.

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Finding Love With One Hand

February 14, 2013 — 1 Comment

Happy Valentine’s Day everybody! This is the last post in the Trifecta of Love for this week. I hope you enjoyed Kristy’s and Julie’s posts, too! Enjoy the day and know that you are loved! At the very least, by me. – Ryan

When I asked Julie to “go out with me,” it was quite the event.

I made a scavenger hunt.  I don’t remember all of it, but I do remember that it started with a note on my front door and at one point a card directed her to play “Can’t Fight This Feeling” by REO Speedwagon and another brought her to some roses.  Ultimately, it ended at me and I asked her to be my girlfriend officially.  That was December 18th, 1998.  A week later Julie bought me a TV/VCR combo for Christmas.

I bought her a Celine Dion CD.

"This is for our life together." Uh...yeah...of course...

“This is for our life together.” Uh…yeah…of course…

Clearly, we were moving in the same direction.

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