My dad would have turned 68 today.

We’ll get more into that in a minute, but let me overshare first.

Yesterday I wrote two posts about my physical health journey over the past several months. How it’s been going and some things that I’ve found helpful. Last night, however, I made pretty terrible choices. I ended up having three brandy old fashioneds and then ate a bunch of junk food, including, but not limited to, a warm tortilla with Nutella inside. (Side note: THAT WAS AMAZING.)

There was really no reason for it. At least that I was aware of.

Then I woke-up at 3:30am and remembered…today is my dad’s birthday.

Sometimes I think our bodies remember trauma even before our minds do. This has happened to me so many times in my life that I have to believe it’s true. Days where I’ll be sad “for no reason” and then Facebook reminds me it’s the anniversary of a death or difficult memory. Have you ever had that experience?

This situation also reminds me of something my therapist said once and it’s stuck with me ever since. She said (and I’m paraphrasing), “We all have a firefighter inside us. And their only job is to put out the fire of pain from trauma. A firefighter’s job is to put out a fire. Doesn’t matter if it’s a motor home or a mansion, if it’s filled with garbage or precious artifacts, their job is to put the fire out, period. Lots of stuff will be ruined in the process, but that’s not their concern. They are also not responsible for the aftermath, the clean-up. They go in, put the fire out, and leave. It’s the same with us. When we experience pain, our firefighter has one job: to end it. And they’ll do so by any means necessary, with no concern for the peripheral damage. Overeating, drinking too much, drugs, sex, violence, risky behavior, solitude…whatever it takes. And then YOU have to deal with the consequences. But, you’re not feeling that initial pain anymore! Instead, you’re overweight or driving drunk or getting arrested for any number of things. That’s why it’s so important that we do our best to recognize pain and seek to soothe it in healthy ways. But knowing this, we can also be more forgiving when we soothe our pain in unhealthy ways.”

So, I’m not dismissing or defending my behavior, but I do feel like I understand it. And I would never ever advocate for anyone to soothe their pain in unhealthy ways, but I also understand the trepidation of discovering and facing your pain head-on. But, you’re brave and I know you can do it. I promise I will, too.

In other news…yeah, Happy Birthday, Dad!

He would have been 68. I went and visited him at the cemetery this morning and it was so beautiful. It actually rained so hard on my drive there that I almost turned around. I’m glad I didn’t, though!

I think I miss our banter the most. Just talking about the Brewers/Badgers/Packers. I have NO idea how he would have dealt with what’s been happening the last few months, so those conversations would have been amazing! I also miss watching him interact with my kids. They loved him so much. And he was such a great grandpa. He would be SO inappropriate with them! lol I’m trying to carry on that tradition in his stead.

Sigh. I just miss him.

Oh, and don’t let me forget to get a piece of carrot cake later today.

Yesterday I gave an update about where I am currently with my health. Here are some things I’ve found to be very helpful for me.

First of all, read Atomic Habits by James Clear. This book has helped me SO much in regards to the importance of establishing health habits in all areas of our lives. It’s super interesting and so practical.

Next, find something that holds you accountable and forces you to be mindful about your journey. Mine is that TikTok account. Maybe yours is a journal. Or a friend with whom you feel comfortable being vulnerable. Whatever it is, BE CONSISTENT. Even if you’re embarrassed, frustrated, hopeless, sad…get it out. Every day. Multiple times a day if you need to! I think the greatest threat to our progress in this area is no accountability, so this is SO important.

The second thing is to eat smaller portions of healthier foods. This seems pretty obvious and it is. Quarantine has forced us to learn how to be better in the kitchen and I’m so grateful for that! We have about 5-7 go-to dinners that are healthy and easy to make and I’d suggest you find some for yourself, too. Just Google “easy healthy meals” and you’ll get a BILLION results. Just pick a few and see what works, what you like. And then adjust as you go.

Another thing I found to be a real eye-opener was when I started tracking what I eat and drink. It can be painful and embarrassing at first, but it REALLY helps you to make sense of why you’ve been getting bigger. It can be scary, too, because it’s like, “Wait, if I’ve been eating between 3000-5000 calories a day, how the crap am I going to live on 1500-2000??” I’ve been there. Trust me, it’s better to see the damage and to be honest so you know what you’re working with and where you need to go. So, every day I track what I eat and drink in my Lose It! app, even if I go WAY over my allotted amount for the day. I mean, whether I like it or not, I DID eat what I ate, so I might as well track it! This has helped me tremendously, but you might find that another method is more helpful. I have several friends who use WW and love it. Find the way that works for you.

Plan your physical activity. Listen, if you don’t plan it, you will likely not do it. It’s science. I go on a short walk every morning. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve woken up and didn’t want to. But I do it anyway because it’s just what I do every morning. And honestly, the reason I’ve been struggling with consistency with my workouts is because I haven’t been planning the dumb things! Then I just get tired and unmotivated and say “I’ll do it tomorrow.” Schedule it and do it. Also, it doesn’t have to be high-intensity! For all of April and May all I did was go on walks. No joke. I remember trying to do 8-minute abs and thinking to myself, “Well, I guess I’m never getting health again. Also, RIP me.” Start small and go slowly if that’s where you’re at. This isn’t a sprint. Develop the ability to stick with the little things over a long period of time. It’s going to help SO much.

Lastly, be patient with yourself. Starting can be exciting and you might be filled with motivation, but it can also super suck. I remember feeling so sad and hopeless and embarrassed that I had let myself get back to where I was. I’m really competitive and I was ashamed of how out of shape I had become and how hard it was to do simple exercises. I had to push through that and I know you can, too.

I like to think of it like this: How would I respond if my friend came to me and was like, “I’m so embarrassed. I’ve made terrible choices and now I can’t even do a sit-up! I have no idea how or if I’m going to be able to get healthy again. I suck.” I would be patient and understanding and encouraging. I would empathize. But I’m rarely that way with myself! It seems like we’re always hardest on ourselves. And there are definitely times we need to be pushed and pulled through difficult spots, but we can do that without being negative. Without being mean.

So, like…June. June kinda sucked for me. I’d do well during the week and then “blow it” on the weekend. The whole month was like that and I saw very little progress on the scale. Every Monday I’d be upset with myself for screwing-up again. And yes, I need to hold myself accountable for those decisions, but I was beating myself up to the point of wanting to just give up. But here’s the thing…June was full of HUGE changes in my life. And nationwide unrest. All while still essentially in quarantine. So, I had to look at the whole picture and when I did that I was able to see that 1.5 pound loss as a win.

So…there ya go. Eat better, move a little bit and be patient with yourself. You got this.

What kinds of things have YOU found helpful in YOUR health journey?!

93 days ago I made a committment.

Again.

My physical health has gone in cycles historically. If you’ve been here long enough, you’re well aware. I get big and unhealthy and unhappy and then I get HARDCORE about getting healthy again! So where am I right now?

April of 2019 I was the heaviest I’d ever been. Like, jaw-droppingly heavy (for me). Then, the switch flipped and I lost about 45 pounds in the next five months. At the end of August I hurt my back and it through everything off. I started making bad choice after bad choice and before you know it, I had regained a ton of the weight I had lost. I was embarrassed and frustrated and, honestly, somewhat hopeless.

Covid hit in March and shut everything down. You remember. I was at home all day every day and I had a choice to make. Would I just become bigger and more immobile? Or would I concentrate on my health again?

So, back on April 6th, I started again. I had gained all but about 10 pounds back.

The most helpful thing for me might sound dumb to you. I started an account on TikTok (@HealthyOneHanded) and every morning I give a one-minute update. I do a weigh-in and give a short report about the previous day and then talk about whatever else is on my mind. Sometimes I voice my frustration (June was a rough month!). Sometimes I talk about what’s been helpful for me lately.

It’s helped me to be consistent. Regardless of whether the day before was “good or bad,” I get on and talk about it. Because even though hundreds of people have joined my journey, these little videos are still ultimately for me. To keep me on track.

My focus over the last 93 days has been pretty simple. No official plan or program. Just eating better food and less of it while being active every day. That’s it. I use the Lose It! app on my phone to track what I eat and hit my calorie goals for the day (quality of the calories matters just as much as the quantity, just FYI) and I go for walks behind my house pretty much every day. I’ve been trying to be more consistent about doing more high-intensity workouts, but that’s still not where I want it to be.

Just by doing those few things, I’m back down 25+ pounds and on my way to where I’d like to maintain. If I continue the trajectory I’ve been on, I should hit my target weight in a couple months. But honestly, this is more of a long game for me than it’s ever been before.

June was tough, like I mentioned earlier. I lost about a pound and a half when my goal was to lose 6-8. That was really frustrating. But also, JUNE WAS BANANAS. I’m able to recognize that and be patient with myself. I decided not to weigh myself at all in July and just focus on eating healthy and working out/strength training and then we’ll see what happens on the scale come August 1st. I’ve also noticed my clothes are fitting better, which is probably an even better gauge of success than the number on the scale.

So, that’s where I am right now. I’m happy with how far I’ve come. I’m happy with the systems I have in place. I’m happy with the ideas I have for moving forward. I’m grateful for the encouragers in my life.

Tomorrow I’ll share what I’ve found to be most helpful so far for me and hopefully some of it will resonate with you, too!

A lesson from my bird friends.

All the birds I saw today could fly, but they did so in different ways. Some bounced through the sky like a tennis ball on a court. Some flew like a dart being thrown at a board. Some glided high and others screamed low to the ground. Some flitted and others wooshed their wings in big, powerful flaps.

Some of them seemed desperate to get where they were going. Others appeared content to perch on a branch and rest for a while.

They’re a lot like us, birds.

We’re all moving through life and, while we’re all humans, we all do it differently. Some of us move fast. Some slow. Some are loud. Some don’t make a peep. Some are frantic and some are at rest.

And all of that is ok. Obviously there are exceptions, but for the most part, how you move through life is just fine. You might not do it like me, but that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.

I’m grateful for my time outside each day, patiently watching my birds. It slows me down. It tests my patience. It makes me very happy.

I mean, except when they won’t stay still for my pictures, of course. But it’s that much more rewarding when I DO get the shot! 😊

So… However you’re moving through life right now is fine. Don’t compare how you’re doing it with how others are doing it. Assess your OWN journey carefully and consistently and make adjustments as needed, but don’t necessarily change just because you see someone else doing it differently. Be you. Move like you move.

My friends Steven and Anthony have a podcast called Perfect Movie. They pick movies they love, review them and give evidence that said movies are “perfect,” then ask their audience to vote whether they agree or not. Then they have a results show revealing whether the movie makes the perfect list. It’s a ton of fun!

The most recent movie they put on trial (Steven actually chose this one) was Mad Max: Fury Road. If you haven’t seen it, one of the main characters is Furiosa, a one-handed woman, played brilliantly by Charlize Theron. I wrote about it back in 2015, which you can read here.

Steven and Anthony invited me on the podcast to discuss the issues of representation in TV/movies, casting non-disabled actors in roles where the character has a disability and how TV/movies shape our perspectives about people with disabilities. We’ve known each other since middle school, so we have a great time and I think you’ll enjoy listening to it!

If you’re new to the podcast, I’d start with the Mad Max trial episode, and then listen to the one I’m on, which you can find here. You can also find it on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. Take a listen and subscribe!

I would love to hear your thoughts after you listen! We didn’t have time to cover everything, obviously, but I’m hoping at least some of what I discussed with them connects with you.

I’m an Apple guy.

I have an iPhone and a MacBook Air and AirPod Pros. Love them all.

So, when I saw that the price dropped on the Series 3, I contemplated getting one. I’ve always thought they looked cool, but questioned how useful it would be for me. I asked on the LOH Facebook Page about the watch and 50+ comments rolled in, many of them from people with one hand who said they love theirs!

My friend Madelyn, who is missing her entire left arm, even shared her video about how she uses hers!

My video is not quite as instructional. Take a look:

So…I don’t love it.

I’m not going to rant about accessibility, but…I will say a few words about it. Apple is not required to make this watch accessible for me. They can make it however they see fit. That said, I think it would behoove them to make it as accessible for as many people as they can. I think that about any product.

As you can probably see in the video, I was really frustrated with the band. I’ve used a multitude of different types of watch bands and have never had this much difficulty. I’m actually interested to know if two-handed people have difficulty with it, too. It just seems like an odd and overcomplicated design. And one of the things people love about Apple products is that you can open the package and use the item right away! Unfortunately, I have to spend an extra $50 to buy a different band just to be able to put it on by myself. That’s a pretty terrible user experience.

After I stopped recording, I paired it with my phone and played with it for a while. Again…frustrating. I got the 38mm, which just seems too small to be able to do anything worthwhile. The end of my left arm is not pointy(?) enough to be able to use it to do anything on the screen. And using the tip of my nose or having to talk to Siri about everything does not appeal to me.

So, in theory, the watch seems awesome. But in real life…not so much. At least for me.

My FitBit One works fine and I always have my phone on me, so I’m struggling to find a reason to keep it.

I haven’t returned it yet, though, so… What am I missing?

Convince me otherwise.

Sometimes our good intentions cause great harm.

That’s what I learned recently when I brought up the conversation around disabled parking, specifically in regards to those who use it who have “invisible disabilities.” Invisible disabilities include a wide range of medical conditions that can cause severe pain and/or exhaustion, but you can’t necessarily tell that a person has it just by looking at them.

A woman shared her story about being harassed by a police officer because she “didn’t look like she was disabled,” and while I agreed that the officer could have handled it better, I proposed that perhaps the other side of the story is that he was actually trying to protect her/people with disabilities by questioning someone who was using the spot who didn’t appear to need it. I’ve heard those stories before where someone was questioned/harassed for using an entrance or parking spot specifically for those with a disability, when in fact they have a disability, but it’s not visually apparent.

To be clear, I’ve never actually confronted anybody like this. I’ve called the cops when I saw people park in a spot without a placard, but have never directly spoken to someone who had one, but who I suspected was abusing it. Many people do, with good and helpful intentions, but…

Please stop doing that.

Here’s the deal. This response made me rethink and eventually change my philosophy about this:

See, I can’t stand injustice. That’s why I love when people stick-up for those being taken advantage of. So, when someone takes justice into their own hands and tries to make things right, I’m all for it. I get it. What my friend said here, though, made me realize that when we do this (in regards to these parking spots, specifically), we’re making assumptions that can ultimately hurt the person we are trying to help.

My new philosophy is this: If a person has a placard displayed, I will trust that they went through the correct channels to obtain it and believe that they need it. I will not confront or silently judge them, even if it doesn’t appear that they need it. I have no idea why they have it and, to be blunt, it’s none of my business.

Do people take advantage of it? Yes. Do people abuse it? Yes. (And if you’re reading this and that’s you, KNOCK IT OFF.) But, by and large, I would guess that’s few and far between. And I don’t EVER want to be the reason that someone who needs it chooses not to use it because of the harassment of a well-intentioned social justice warrior. Are there ways I could creatively and kindly address the situation? Sure. But again, making a person explain themselves, even if I’m doing so “kindly,” is still not a good experience for that person. And they don’t owe me an explanation, to be honest.

Let’s concentrate on being inclusive and in making things more accessible for those who need them to be. Let’s be kind without being accusatory. We’re all in this together.

Thoughts? Have you experienced this before? Please feel free to share your story/experience in the comments!

“What’s your favorite thing about yourself?” she asked, wide smile on her face.

I just stood there. My eyebrows shot up.

“Wow,” I said.

Let me set the scene. This was at the end of a very full day at a school in Cranberry Township, PA. I had already led two assemblies, gone to lunch with ten people, signed 120 books and visited a classroom where I was asked questions like, “Would you rather wear a ballgown every day for a year or a belly-shirt on your birthday for the rest of your life?” (I LOVED the classroom visit questions, by the way!)

At the end of the assemblies I lead, I save time for the kids to ask me questions and oftentimes they ask about my favorite color, number, sport, hobby, food (it’s a medium rare steak) and other fairly trivial bits of information. Sometimes they’ll ask if I was ever bullied or if I wish I had two hands or if I remember when I realized not everybody is like me. So, at the end of this full day, at the end of the third assembly, when this adorable 2nd grade girl asked me my favorite thing about myself…I froze.

I actually think I made her repeat it. It was jarring. I travel around the country telling whoever will listen that they’re awesome just the way they are. I challenge the audience at the end of my talk to think of one thing about themselves that’s different about themselves than anybody else and, if they happen to not like that thing, to try and think of a way to view it positively. I also challenge them to tell one friend one thing they think is awesome about them. Even so, I was taken aback and couldn’t think of anything about myself! I suddenly felt both self-conscious and arrogant.

I eventually stammered my way to an answer that’s actually true, though. I told her that I love my sense of humor and that I’m able to make people laugh. It brings me so much joy when I’m able to do that.

It really made me think, though. Why did it catch me so off-guard? Why did I have such a difficult time answering?

I think we’re kind of conditioned to think that liking something about ourselves is prideful or arrogant. But, that isn’t inherently true. It can be, and we have all experienced that, but it doesn’t have to be. In fact, it’s incredibly healthy to like who you are. We should all like who we are! And if we don’t, we have some work to do.

Clearly I have some work to do. And her question opened my eyes to that. It was a great reminder for me to do the work that leads to a healthy view of myself, so that I can authentically do the same for others. And honestly, that makes me really excited.

So…what’s YOUR favorite thing about YOU?!

(Thank you to everyone at Rowan Elementary for the incredible day!)