A Huge Thanks

January 16, 2012 — 3 Comments

Last week I wrote a piece for The Handwritten.  I was excited for it to drive people to this blog because it seemed to fit really well.  My friend Michael posted it on his site and then…

My blog got hacked.

Perfect timing, right?!

Thankfully, Ben Holmen came to the rescue.  He was able to get the blog back-up and running and better than ever!  I want to publicly thank him for his help and encourage you to checkout his AMAZING side projects.  Seriously, they’re brilliant.

First of all, there’s BabyTattle.  Custom e-mail birth announcements.  They’re beautiful and you’ll save a ton of jack by doing this rather than sending physical cards.

Then there’s MistleMail.  Same concept, but for Christmas cards.  Bookmark it for next.  I am.

Please take a minute and click those links.  You’re going to be like, “Whoa…this looks great.”  Serious.

Ben is a good dude.  I love supporting good dudes.

You should, too.

Thanks so much, Ben!

In Help
permalink

It’s Okay to Have Fun With It…Sometimes

January 14, 2012 — 24 Comments

“What happened to your arm?”

I hear this a lot.  Probably not as often as people would like to ask it, but enough.  And the answer is always the same.  “Oh, I was just born that way.”  “Oh,” they’ll reply.  Sometimes they’ll tell me about their grandpa who got his arm cutoff in a farming accident or a teacher they had in high school that was “like that.”  Usually it’s a quick, open and shut case, though.

Sometimes, though…sometimes I have a little fun with it.

For instance, this summer I took my kids to the park and they were making some new friends.  One little boy, he was probably six years old, came up to me and said, “Hey, what happened to your arm, man?”

“I was just born that way,” I replied.

“No, really, what happened?” he insisted.

“When I was born, I only had one hand.  When you were born, you had two, right?  I just had one.”

“Right, right, but what happened, man?”

I love this about kids.  They literally can’t comprehend that a person could be born that way.  So many kids ask me where I keep it and look behind my back and look at me as if I’m trying to trick them.  It’s fantastic.  So, knowing this little guy wasn’t buying it, I went for broke.

“Ok, I cut it off with a chainsaw,” I said.

“Fo’ real?  Did it hurt?” he asked, completely unfazed.

“Yeah, man.  It hurt a lot.  But, it’s cool now.  Doesn’t hurt at all.”

“Straight, straight.”  And then he went and played some more.

At one point he came back and said, “Hey, mister, my sister (over on the swings) wants to see your arm. HEY, KEISHA! COME OVER HERE AND SEE THIS MAN’S ARM!” he yelled.  She ran home.

Then there was the time when my cousin and I were on the McDonald’s Playground.  We were young, probably eight or so.  We were sitting in that saucer where you pull on the “wheel” in the middle and then it spins and spins.  Sitting across from us were three little kids.  They were staring and obviously scared.  Eventually, one of them squeaked out, “Wh…what happened to your arm?”  My cousin and I looked at each other and what I did next was mean, but hilarious.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

The kids looked at each other, confused. “Well, your arm…what happened to it?”

“I’m not sure what you…” then I looked down and screamed.  “NOOOOOO!  MY ARM!  WHERE’S MY ARM!!”

We jumped out of the saucer and started running around, throwing wood chips, climbing the Hamburgler statue all while screaming and laughing.  Finally, out of breath, we came back to the saucer.  It was empty.  They must have run away at some point during our freakout.  Hopefully we didn’t scar them for life.

I also vaguely remember my dad saying things about sharks and alligators to little kids that would ask about it.  I think he just liked to see their reaction.

Now, I’m not encouraging amputees or their relatives to do this all the time.  But, from time to time, if you can read a person, it can be fun.

Mostly for you, but still…

If you’re an amputee, have you ever done this?  If you’re not, have you ever had it done to you?

(Join the LOH Facebook community and follow on Twitter, too!)

In Humor
permalink

Am I Just A Spectacle?

January 13, 2012 — 22 Comments

Sheri asked a great question over on the Facebook page yesterday.  She explained how her family, including her limb-different son, went to visit relatives over the holidays and that she “started to feel like those we were visiting were more interested in showing off his arm than they were in spending time with him.  One relative wanted him to bring his arm so she could ‘show her friends how he’s the same as others.'”  Sheri asked, “Do you (amputee or parent of one) feel like people can’t get past a missing limb?  That the person and/or prosthesis becomes a ‘side-show’ or a spectacle?”

My answer?  Yes and no.

For the most part, I believe people are trying to do the right thing, they just don’t know how to do it well.  They want to show that they are ok with the difference, but then they go overboard.  And this issue of “normalcy” makes things even more difficult.  It’s this strange balance of acknowledging that a person with a limb-difference is perfectly fine the way they are, but also realizing they are different; not “normal.”  You may remember the video I posted of when I was on the news eons ago.  My mother talked about how great it was to see me doing things “two-handed, normally two-handed.”  Was she disappointed that I performed tasks differently than people with two hands?  Of course not.  She struggled just as much as anybody with trying to express her joy in seeing me do something “the normal way,” while appreciating that I did things different and I was fine either way.

Aimee Mullins does a fantastic job in her powerful TED Talk of explaining the fallacy of normal.  There is no normal.  There’s common and typical, but no normal.  Everybody wants to feel normal, but normal is overrated.  However you do things is your normal.  Who cares how other people do it?

As far as Sheri’s questions go, I think people can get past the missing limb.  I actually know they can.  My sister used to tell me to “use your other hand” all the time.  I’d have to remind her, uh, I didn’t have one.  I’ve had many people tell me they forget I only have one hand.  I don’t understand how that’s even possible, but I have to believe them!

That said, when people encounter a difference like ours for the first time, it’s expected that they will not know how to react.  They know they should ignore it, but c’mon, he’s got one arm!  So, then they feel bad asking about it, but they really want to know.  I don’t envy their position.

That’s what this whole LivingOneHanded thing is for, by the way.  I’m putting myself out there as that “side-show” because I realize people want to know how I do things, but don’t want to be rude.  They want to see what’s “normal” for me.  And I’m happy to oblige.

Ultimately, people who are different in any way will have to deal with the fact that people won’t know how to react to them.  People will be nice, they’ll be rude, they’ll be inquisitive, they’ll insult, they’ll encourage…if you are different, you will experience the entire spectrum of reactions.  My opinion is, it will make life easier if you expect that.

This morning, for instance, I stopped at the grocery store to get breakfast.  I gave the older lady at the register my card and then she blurted out, “What happened to YOU?”  “Excuse me?” I asked.  It was so quick I didn’t understand her.  “What happened to you?” she repeated and nodded at my left arm.  “Oh, I was actually just born that way,” I replied.  “Hm,” she grunted and furrowed her brow.  I wished her a good day and went on my way.  It surprised me a little, but honestly, it didn’t bother me at all.  I expect the unexpected when it comes to my difference and I’m totally ok with that.

Is it frustrating to be to be a spectacle?  Sometimes.  Does it get old to be the subject of everyone’s curiosity?  Occasionally.  Do your friends and family get past it?  Absolutely.  And would I change any of it?

Absolutely not.

In Hope , , ,
permalink

How To Tie Shoes One-Handed

January 8, 2012 — 18 Comments

Through the years, when it comes to doing things one-handed, one question has been asked of me more than any other.  Usually the person gets a puzzled look on their face and then they say, “Wait…how do you tie your shoes?”

Well…here’s how.

This is how I always look when I tie my shoes.

This is how I always look when I tie my shoes.

The video ended-up being a little long, but I wanted to be thorough.  I plan on making a shorter, more technical version soon, so stay tuned for that.

Hope you like it!

Ryan

(Join the LOH Facebook community and follow on Twitter, too!)

In Help, Humor, Videos , ,
permalink
332579_10151116739925603_532525602_22283234_218330662_o

On The Chinese Finger Trap

January 5, 2012 — 2 Comments

"You're not so tough," said the princess calendar.

My son brought home a Chinese finger trap yesterday.  He was excited to show me how it worked.  When I told him to let me try it he raised an eyebrow and passed it to me.

“I hate these things,” I muttered.

Should I not have said that?

The Chinese finger trap has long been my nemesis.  I remember sticking my finger in one as a kid and having to spend an inordinate amount of time trying to get it out.

Maybe it’s not that I hate it, though.  I feel a little ripped-off, I suppose.  A little jealous.  See, the Chinese finger trap is actually kind of an awesome metaphor.  It shows that some problems (not all) can only be overcome by relaxing.  Once your fingers have been shoved inside, the harder you work and the more you stress about it, the harder it is to get them out.  Once you relax, though, you can slowly and methodically wriggle your fingers out of the trap.

Life can be like that sometimes.  We get all worked-up and stressed out and we try super hard to make something happen, when really what we need to do is relax.  Take it slow.  Breathe deeply.  Stop worrying.  Trust that it’ll work out.

That’s what a Chinese finger trap can teach you.

If I ever use it as an illustration in a speech, though, I’ll just have my son demonstrate it.

 

In Hope, Humor
permalink
n532525602_3058785_8887

My Thoughts On Using A Prosthesis

January 2, 2012 — 59 Comments
n532525602_3296514_1512

The Mitten

Lately I’ve been hearing from a lot of parents regarding the use of a prosthetic arm for their child.

Let me share my experience.

I had a number of prosthetic arms as a kid.  First, there was the one that looked like a flesh-colored mitten.  Oh, there it is, to the left of this sentence.  Looks pretty good, right?  I have no idea how that was attached to my body.  Those are some pretty rad faces, though.

Then there was the hook arm.  The hook arm was what I used most as a kid.  I also hit a kid in the head with it when I was in elementary school because he made me mad.  He started bleeding.  It was cool, though, because I told the teachers he tripped me and it was an accident.  Not my best moment.

Here are some awesome pictures of the hook arm (read to the end so you don’t miss the amazing[ly embarrassing] video):

 

 

n532525602_3058792_1555

Looking Dapper Hook Arm

 

 

Thoughts:

1) Nice wall-paper.

2) Bieber-hair before Beiber-hair was a thing.

3) Is that high-chair legal?

4) Sweet candle.

5) WHAT’S IN THE BAG???

 

n532525602_3058789_279

Ernie and Bert and The Hook

 

 

 

 

 

Now THAT is a chair.  Oh, and you have to admit that this is a pretty cute picture.

 

 

 

 

 

n532525602_3058785_8887

Father and Son and The Hook

 

 

 

 

This one is in here mostly just because it’s one of my favorite pictures of me and my dad.  Thanks for indulging me.

 

 

 

 

 

n532525602_3039353_3957

Sweet Bike, Sweet Shorts and Socks, Sweet Hook Arm

 

 

 

I don’t remember this bike very well.  I wish I did.  I actually wish I had this bike still.

 

 

 

n532525602_3039366_7932

Original Nintendo and The Myoelectric Arm

 

Ok, when I first saw this picture, it freaked me out.  That hand looks super real!  I also wish you could see that sweatshirt.  It was a “spring break” motif with people doing inappropriate things. Why did I have that??  Oh…and ORIGINAL NINTENDO.  ‘Nuff said. (I still have it, too. Box and all.)

 

 

 

Now that I’ve established myself as an expert on the topic, I’ll share my advice:

Do whatever you think is right.

I haven’t used a prosthesis in at least fifteen years; probably longer. I appreciate that my parents had me use one as a kid, though. They gave me every opportunity to try it and see if it was for me.  And it was…for a while. For a long while, in fact.  I used that hook arm a lot.  And when it came time to use the myoelectric arm, I thought it was awesome.  It was like I was a bionic man!  Here, look how happy I was with it:

And while it’s true that I thought it was cool at first, let me give you a little behind the scenes on that news piece.  I never played with LEGOS with that arm in real life.  And I never played basketball with that arm on.  Did you see how awkward I looked on that last shot?  Yeah, I didn’t even make that basket; they edited it that way. Also, my prosthetist did not moonlight as the creator of the Peanuts gang, just so we’re clear.

The truth is, I used to get in trouble for taking my arm off at school and leaving it in my locker.  I used to hate having to practice flexing the muscles in my left arm just right so the hand would open and close.  It was cumbersome to me.  I was a kid and I just wanted to play.  And the main reason it didn’t do it for me: I could already do everything I needed and wanted to do, so why learn another way?

I hope this isn’t coming across as ungrateful.  My point is just that, a prosthetic arm didn’t improve my life.  I appreciate that my parents had me use them as a kid.  I don’t resent it at all.  But, in the long run, it wasn’t for me.

My true advice to parents of limb different kids is to just do your best.  Explore all your options and give them some thought.  Your child can’t make decisions for himself yet, so you’ll have to.  And if you love them enough to want what’s best, that’s enough.  At some point, when they get to an age where they can tell you what they prefer, listen to them.  I would say to be careful about forcing them to do anything when it comes to prosthetics (once they get to an age where they can have a rational discussion with you about it).

And again, I don’t use one, but that’s simply my preference.  One time a gentleman suggested I get a prosthetic for aesthetic purposes, “so you do better in interviews.”  He was trying to be helpful.  I told him, “If an employer doesn’t hire me because I have one arm, that’s their problem, not mine.”  That’s me, though.  Maybe a prosthetic arm would give your child an added sense of confidence.  They’ll let you know.

So, do your best. Love your child. Be ready to listen to them. And value what they tell you.

If you have/had a prosthetic, share your experience. If you’re a parent of a limb different child, please share your experience, too!

In Help, Humor, Videos
permalink
IMG_2165

The Day I Baptized A Special Little Boy

December 31, 2011 — 10 Comments

Back at the end of October (2011), I got a message on Facebook.  It was from Mike.  I had never met Mike.  I had written some posts about being one-handed on my blog and Mike found them, which was great because his son, Grant, had just been born with a left arm exactly like mine.  “Do you perform baptisms?” he asked.  I had just done my nephew’s, so I was in the baptizing mood.  I told him yes and after some back-and-forth, we nailed down a time and place and he sent out the Evites.

Well…today was the day.

I arrived early to church to turn on the heat and get things situated, but I wasn’t early enough.  No sooner had I opened the door and thrown down some ice-melt than family started showing-up.  I didn’t even have my tie on yet.  I was getting a little nervous and trying to make sure everything was prepared just right.  But then, I started to meet the family.  I can’t remember her name, but one of the aunts came up to me and gave me a great big hug and thanked me for “doing this.”  It was the greatest.  Then I met Mike’s sister and the sponsors and the great-grandparents…it felt like a family reunion!

Eventually we all filed into the sanctuary and got the party started.  As I stood there in front of this group of amazing people, I couldn’t help but feel excited.  Maybe that’s a strange thing to feel at a baptism, but to me it was bigger than just the baptism.  It was about Grant.  And his parents, Mike and Tara.  And his big sister, Baylee.  It was about the fact, the fact, that he and they are surrounded by people who love them.  People who will be there and are learning together with them about what it means to raise a child with a limb difference.  That community is the most important thing, I believe, for Grant.  He is going to grow-up knowing that he is loved and that he can be and do whatever he wants.  I’m confident of that.

After the ceremony, we all went to lunch together.  My son Sam made a new friend in Mike’s nephew, Luka; Tara tripped over my wife’s purse and fell so hard I thought she was dead; I had a great talk with Mike’s sister Jeanne and her husband.  Another fantastic moment was when we opened our gift from Mike and Tara and it was a gift card to one of our favorite restaurants.  Actually, the fantastic moment came after that when we said, “You guys, we love this place!  How did you know?”  “Tara stalked you on Facebook,” Mike answered.  Tara, you are the best.  Then, just before the food came, Mike addressed the group.  He thanked everyone for being there and for traveling so far (especially himself – they came all the way from Connecticut!) and then he said some incredibly kind things about me.  Mike and his family helped me realize the kind of impact I can have in peoples’ lives.  And similarly, the impact they have on mine.

Everyone started to filter out after a while, so we rounded-up our kids and said our goodbyes, too.  It was sad to realize that we don’t know when we’ll see everyone again, but we’re so thankful for the time we had together.  We’ll never forget it.

And there’s always the internet for staying connected.  Like Tara’s dad said, “I guess there are some good things on there after all.”

Thank you, Schneiders, for inviting us into your lives and for helping us to end 2011 on a high note!

(For the full gallery of pictures, click here – and “Like” the page!)

IMG_2162

The Family!

IMG_2153

Tara, Baylee, Me, Grant and Mike

IMG_2165

Me and Grant

In Hope, Humor
permalink

How To Shuffle Cards One Handed

December 28, 2011 — 8 Comments
shuffle

No idea where these are from.

I don’t think I’ve ever won a game of poker in my life.

Go Fish?  That’s a whole different story.

And Speed.  Have you ever played Speed?  I remember playing that with my siblings when I was younger.  Thinking about it now, though, I’m not sure how I did it with only one hand!

Whatever the game happened to be, there would always be a time when it was my turn to shuffle.  So, I just did it.  Sure, it’s not the prettiest method or perhaps the most effective, but it gets the job done.

What’s funny to me is that there are actually machines that shuffle cards for you, but I’ve never owned one.  I’ve actually never even used one.

And while a machine might be slicker and more effective, I don’t think I’ll ever get one.  It’s just not the same.  (You can get one here, though)

Check out my method below and make sure to leave a comment!  Especially if you have ideas for a sign-off!

(You can also get a one-handed card holder here)

In Help, Humor, Videos
permalink

Merry Christmas From LivingOneHanded.com

December 25, 2011 — 4 Comments

2011 has been an amazing year. Especially the last month or so! I had been looking forward to starting LivingOneHanded.com for a long time, so finally getting it out into the world has been so much fun. By far, the best part has been getting to hear from all of you! Your comments and emails really do mean the world to me. As much as I enjoy trying to be funny (with mixed results, I’m sure), this endeavor is all about you. All of you. Grown-ups with limb differences, parents of LD kids, LD kids, grandparents, friends…seriously, anyone who values people and believes we are all made the way we are for a reason; this is for you.

I wanted to take a second, too, to say thanks to everyone for sharing this site and the Facebook page. You’re awesome! I especially want to mention Jen at BornJustRight.com and Molly at LuckyFinProject.org and Jana at Nubability.com and Tony Memmel…thank you all for being so supportive and sharing your influence with me. And thanks to Brene Brown for helping me to start living whole-heartedly.

So, here’s to 2012. Let’s make it incredible!

Sincerely,
Ryan

Merry Christmas from the Haacks!

In Hope, Videos
permalink

How To Wrap A Present One-Handed

December 23, 2011 — 9 Comments

My wife once worked at one of those gift-wrapping kiosks in the mall.

I did not.

I’m not saying I couldn’t have, but it was probably for the best.

I’ve always wrapped presents myself.  For the most part I think I’ve done pretty well with it, too.  I like the crisp lines and the angles and the strategically placed strips of tape.  I take pride in a tight, tidy package.  Especially with CDs.  They’re kind of a pain to wrap, and everyone knows what they are before they open them, but there’s some satisfaction in seeing that little square, sharp corners and all.

That said, sometimes you just don’t care what it looks like, ya know?  And that’s not a one-handed thing; that’s a human being thing.  Throw it in a bag and be done with it.

I hope your gift-wrapping experiences go off without a hitch this year!

Happy holidays!

In Help, Videos , ,
permalink