The other day, while perusing Caitlin’s blog, I came across a video of Josh Sundquist.

And I liked what I saw.

Ok, that sounds a little creepy.

I just mean that he seemed really cool.  And since I had never heard of him before, I checked out more of his stuff.

Including his book, Just Don’t Fall: A Hilariously True Story of Childhood, Cancer, Amputation, Romantic Yearning, Truth, and Olympic Greatness.

Turns out, we have a lot in common.  He’s missing his left leg, I’m missing my left forearm.  He likes making people laugh and I like making people laugh.  He liked girls growing up and so did I.  The similarities are eery.  And I think I just found a new “weirdest word” nominee.

Seriously, Josh has an amazing story.  He lost his left leg to cancer at the age of nine and yet, he overcame the odds to make the paralympic skiing team in 2006.  Honestly, though, the skiing part isn’t what I loved about his book.  It was all the other stuff.  The family stuff.  The girl stuff.  The faith stuff.  Josh has such a clear voice and a vulnerability that sucks you in.  I can’t tell you how many times I said, “Ahh!  I’ve felt the same way!”  And he’s hilarious, too.  His recounting of the first motivational speech he gave is priceless.  Painful, but priceless.

I loved the part when Josh shared about getting counseling to help with his “grayness,” or depression.  Perfectionism had taken over and feelings of failure and hopelessness moved in.  Finally, after a lot of help and soul searching, he came to a point where perfectionism and the fear of failure had to go.  So he kicked them out.  “It was enough [trying, not only winning], because I was enough. Either way.  I was enough,” he says.  It took a lot of guts to share that experience and I know, I know it’s helpful for countless people struggling with the same thought patterns.

This is not just a book about a guy with one leg who learns how to ski.  That actually sounds incredibly insulting as I write it.  It’s so much more.  It’s a story of a boy and his family.  It’s a story of a young man trying to figure out how his homeschooling and his Christian upbringing fits with the real world.  It’s a story of loss and heartbreak.  It’s a story of love and hope and triumph.

It’s a story you should read.

Josh thinks you should read his book, too.

[FULL DISCLOSURE: This book is NOT for kids.  There are a few parts with very strong language, so be warned.]

Driving One-Handed

February 25, 2012 — 23 Comments

One time my brother Joey took me to show-and-tell.

His classmates asked me all kinds of questions about what I was able to do.

“Can you tie your shoes?”  “Can you ride a bike?”  And someone asked, “Can you drive a car?”

I remember thinking that was a dumb question.  I don’t think I said it (I hope I didn’t!), but I thought, “How do you think I got here?”

I learned to drive just like everybody else I knew.  I took driver’s ed, where I was called Roger most of the time because it turned-out my instructor was my uncle’s (and dad’s) gym teacher when they were my age.  “No, Mr. Nording, it’s Ryan.  Roger is my uncle,” I’d remind him.  It also turned-out that my dad was living in Mr. Nording’s old house.  Anyway…I digress.

My driving test was a piece of cake, other than the one point I got off for parallel parking too far away from the curb.  It was the drive home I screwed-up.  My mom was adamant she drive home, but somehow I convinced her to let me instead.  We pulled into our driveway and saw smoke.  I guess I was nervous because I was riding the brakes the whole time.  Sorry, mom.

I’m happy to report that after nearly 20 years of driving experience, I’ve only caused one accident.  And that was just a bump.  Literally.  I took a corner in the snow and just kept slowly sliding toward this person stopped at a red light.  I could see them staring at me as I muttered, “Aw, crap.”  There wasn’t any damage, but they called the police anyway.  After that my memory gets hazy.

As I say in the video, I’ve never had to modify my vehicles in any way.  Sometimes it’s a pain to pull the door shut because I have to reach across myself to do it, but it’s not a big deal.  Also, going through the drive-thru is a challenge.  If you want to try it yourself, the next time you go through one, only use your right hand.  I dare you not to drop the change they hand you.

Ok…I’m going to go sit in my Buick Time Machine now and listen to some Spin Doctors.

Enjoy the video!

Well, That Was Embarrassing

February 21, 2012 — 11 Comments

Last week I emailed a boatload of people I’ve been friends with over the years to solicit their perspective about being friends with a guy with one hand.

The responses so far have been eye-opening.

And fun!

One thing I asked was for them to retell any funny stories they could remember.

Here’s one of my favorites:

“I remember one time when we were playing foosball.  You mentioned that you were at a disadvantage, so I offerred to play with one arm behind my back.  Much to my horror, what you meant was that you had, like, three guys missing from your team because they were broken off.  I was so embarrassed!”

Fully functional foosball dudes.

Nice.

It’s so interesting and valuable to hear the perspectives of my friends.  I’m learning things about myself that I never would have known otherwise.  And I’m hearing a lot of things for the first time that will help me immensely as I attempt to help others.  As I process them, I’ll share what I learn.

For instance, I’m learning that a lot of my very close friends didn’t know how I had lost my arm for quite some time!  It makes all the sense in the world, too.  They didn’t feel comfortable asking right away and I think I just assume that people know I was born that way, so I never directly address it.  When I meet people for the first time now, my inclination will be to answer their unanswered question about what happened to my arm.

You know, the alligator incident.

Perhaps you saw the recent story about Eli Pierre being denied a job at Starbucks because he has one arm.

Obviously, the situation caught my attention.

As I’ve written before, I’m pretty lenient when it comes to peoples’ reactions to me; including their stares.  But, I think it’s safe to say that I would have handled this situation, uh, considerably more undignified than Eli did.  Things would have been thrown.  Names would have been called.

I hesitate, though, to be angry with Starbucks as a whole.  It sounds like the onus here is smack dab on the hiring manager.  It amazes me that this thought process actually exists.  And I use the word “process” loosely.

I also have a deeper connection to the story because 11 years ago I was a barista at Starbucks.  This was before everything was automated, too.  I ground the beans and loaded the hoppers and tamped and pulled shots and pumped syrup…I did it all, baby.  And I was good at it.  My manager, the guy who hired me, was a big, bald, hilarious gay guy with a sun tattoo on his calf.  He did not discriminate against me, nor did Starbucks against him.  I enjoyed my co-workers and recall my time there fondly.

This is not me.

Remembering my stint at Starbucks got me thinking about the other jobs I’ve had over the years.  I had to laugh at the irony of some of them.  My first job was at ACE Hardware.  I carried bags of softener salt, cut keys and glass, bagged nuts and bolts and countless other manual tasks.  I also worked at Eddie Bauer in the Mall of America for a while where I had to fold clothes every shift.  Then there was the job I had processing donations for a non-profit.  I opened envelopes, sorted papers and entered data into a computer every day.  There was also the time I worked at a shoe store, carrying and stacking boxes and tying shoes for customers.  Oh, and I went to school for radio and then worked at a station for a while where I spliced tape, ran the board for various programs and performed on-air while producing.

As you can see, there was a lot of room in each of those jobs for me to feel like I couldn’t do things with only one hand.  And a lot of opportunity for other people to think I couldn’t.  Very rarely, though, was my arm ever brought-up.  In fact, the only times I can remember were when I worked at the hardware store and my concerned boss just wanted to make sure I was ok.  Other than that, it was smooth sailing.

That’s why Eli’s story boggles my mind.  As I’m sure it boggled his while it was happening.  The closest I came to something like this was when I was being helped by the Department of Vocational Rehabilitation and my counselor suggested I get a prosthetic arm, “just for aesthetic reasons. You know, to help in interviews and that sort of thing.”  I was furious.  I told him that if someone didn’t want to hire me because of my arm, besides being illegal, it was their loss.  And I wouldn’t want to work for them anyway.  He seemed satisfied with that answer.  Not like he had a choice.

And as bad as that was, it’s a far cry from what Eli experienced.

So, what do we learn from this?  We learn that ignorance, bigotry, and insensitivity are alive and well.  If you’re black, asian, short, tall, blind, deaf, wheelchair bound, limb-different, speak with a lisp…basically, if you’re different in any noticeable way, you are already familiar with this fact.

I do believe, though, that this is the exception and not the rule.  I believe whole-heartedly that most people desire to treat others with respect and dignity.  Even when they are unsure of how to react to someone who is different, I believe the majority are trying their best to do the right thing.  To look those who are different in the eye, to not stare, to ask questions respectfully, to accept.

And when those of us who are different encounter the person who hasn’t come around yet, like Eli did, we have a choice.  We can let it beat us and bruise us.  We can let it send us into a tailspin.  We can let it harden our heart.  We can allow it to shape our thinking about everyone.

Or, we can bring it to the light.  We can use it to educate and illuminate.  We can become stronger by pushing through it.  We can stand-up for those who are different and invite those who aren’t to do the same.

We can overcome.

My wife and I went out for dinner on Valentine’s Day and I splurged for a steak.

“Honey?” I asked as I held up my phone. She was actually more into it than I was. I get super self-conscious taking pictures at restaurants, so a video was even more of a challenge.

Anything for the LOH Nation, though.

Sorry about how dark the video is, but hopefully you can still see how I did it.

And don’t worry, I do still plan on making another steak-cutting video with better lighting.

How To Hold Twins One-Handed

February 14, 2012 — 4 Comments

My beautiful friend, Sarah, just had twins.

They are awesome.

Her other son just turned two and had a wonderful birthday party that I attended on Sunday.

I brought my video camera to said party so as to videotape myself holding the twins.

If that’s weird, I don’t want to be…not…weird.

Is that cute or what??  Will and Ryder are adorable and I loved holding them.

Thanks so much to their wonderful parents, Andrew and Sarah, for lending them to me!

And if the twins ever become famous, I’m taking credit for it.

Ryder, me and Will

How To Zip A Coat One-Handed

February 12, 2012 — 13 Comments

A number of people have asked me how I zip my coat.

Here it is:

Remember, this is just how I do it.  However you do it is great!

My Trip To Urgent Care

February 8, 2012 — 1 Comment

This is another experience I had during my recovery after surgery to repair my broken left arm.  It was scary.  Sorry if you get freaked out.  Everything’s cool now, so…don’t worry.

 

“It seemed like a good idea,” I said.

The thing was, it couldn’t have been a worse idea.

I’d only been home for a couple of days and I was still figuring out how to recover.  I spent all my time in bed, my left arm wrapped-up like a fat mummy.  People were bringing us food, but I was never very hungry.  And I had all kinds of medication I was supposed to be taking.  Hydrocodone and Morphine ER were the two biggies.

And they would be my downfall.

One night, after a day of not eating, I reasoned with myself that I should just take one of each at midnight.  That way it would be easy to remember when I had taken them.  See?  Seems like a good idea.  So, I swallowed them both and fell asleep.  And that’s when things got weird.  I was asleep, but I was in my room in my dream, and everything was moving around.  Then, suddenly, I was wearing layers upon layers of children’s pajamas.  They were really small and super tight, so I started furiously yanking them off.  I kept pulling and pulling on the sleeves covering my left arm until…

I started to wake-up.  And I realized I was pulling off all the material wrapped around my left arm in real life.  I freaked-out and went to the bathroom to assess the situation.  I had no idea how it was wrapped by the doctor, so I just did the best I could to put everything back.  Then I went back to sleep.

In the morning, I got up and took a shower because I knew we had to go to urgent care.  I wasn’t well.  I stumbled downstairs and sat on the couch, a clammy, incoherent mess.  I vaguely remember my wife calling my parents and telling them what was happening while intermittently yelling, “Ryan!  Ryan!  Are you there??  Talk to me!”  We took the kids to my parents’ while I sat in the front seat barfing my brains out, trying not to pass out.  When we got to urgent care, they whisked me inside right away.  The nurse finally got an IV in me and as the fluid entered my veins I shook violently.  It was freezing, but it felt good.  I reassured Julie that it was ok, I was just cold.  After the first pint (was it pints or quarts?) I was feeling better so they sat me up.  I remember getting into a sitting position and everyone’s face in the room scrunched-up and the doctor said, “Get another one.”  Yes, they had to pump two pints of fluid into me.  The nurse said I was so dehydrated that when she pressed on my arm to find a vein to put the IV into, “The blood didn’t move at all.  It just smooshed around.”  Fantastic.

Eventually, after some crackers and 7-Up, they let me go.  The experience scared the junk out of me, but I was happy to be ok.  And I learned a couple of very important things.  First, taking multiple powerful medications at the same time on an empty stomach, no matter how good of an idea it seems, is never a good idea.

Also, if you ever want to get right in at urgent care, just have an “amputated” limb wrapped-up so they think you’re dying because it’s infected.

Worked for me!

 

I feel like I need to say this: In all seriousness, please be careful when taking powerful medications.  I had never had to take anything like that before and I was really stupid about it.  So, pay attention when the doctor…and, um, your spouse…tell you to eat and take the medication appropriately.

A Simple Misunderstanding

February 6, 2012 — 5 Comments

In 2008 I broke my short arm.  I now have a plate and 7 screws holding it all together.  

At one of my follow-up visits after surgery, I totally freaked out the nurse.

She was checking my blood pressure and asking the standard preliminary questions when she said, “May I ask what happened to your arm?”

At this point my normal reaction would be, “I was born that way.”  But, since I was recovering from surgery, that was what was on my mind and I figured it was on hers, too.

“Oh, I fell down three stairs,” I replied.

“OH MY GOD!” she blurted out. “Are you serious??”

She looked absolutely horrified.  I could see the gears churning inside her head.  I couldn’t figure out what was so surprising…and then it hit me: She didn’t know I was born with a short left arm!  I just assumed she did and that she was asking because of the scar.

“Oh no!  I was actually born with my arm like this, but I also recently broke it,” I explained.

“Ohhhh,” she sighed.  “I was thinking to myself, ‘My God, he fell down three stairs and broke his arm badly enough that they had to amputate?'”

I laughed way more than she did when she said that.

We had a good discusion afterward and it gave me the idea for the subtitle of my yet-to-be-written memoir: I Was Born That Way…And Then I Broke It.

In retrospect, I probably just should have said, “Chainsaw accident.”