Yesterday I had the opportunity to meet Jen and Jordan from Born Just Right for the first time!

jen lee reeves, ryan haack, born just right

Jen and Me

It was fantastic.

A couple years ago, when I began this journey within the limb-different community, Jen was one of the first people I found.  I had gone online to find out what kinds of questions and concerns people had and there were Jen and Jordan, sharing their lives with us all.  So, it was more than a pleasure to finally meet them in-person.  They are quite the example and inspiration for me.

jordan, ryan haack, born just right

Jordan and Me

We met at the Chicago Children’s Museum on Navy Pier and had such a great time!  I had the pleasure of meeting several other families and had extended conversations with wonderful people like Jeremy and Beth and Tony and Kristen.  It was a blast to see my friends the Schneiders there, too!  Back in December of 2011 I had the honor of baptizing their son, Grant.

Me with the Schneiders - the kiddos were pooped!

Me with the Schneiders – the kiddos were pooped!

Jeremy, Beth and the fam - such great people!

Jeremy, Beth and the fam – such great people!

My favorite part, though, had to be when a young woman came-up to our group with a confused look on her face.  She was confused because she just happened to be at the museum with her family that day…and she had a limb-difference!  “Are you having some sort of convention or something?” she asked.  How funny!  I regret that I can’t remember her name, but hopefully she’ll visit the blog and share her thoughts.  I was trying to think about how I would have reacted a few years ago if I had walked-in and saw all these kids with limb-differences running around.  Just too funny.

All-in-all, the meet-up was a huge success!  Jen did an incredible job setting things up (even getting the tickets and lunches for us at no cost!) and I know we all appreciate her efforts.  Also, she’s gives amazing hugs.  🙂  It was great to see old friends and meet new ones, too.

What an amazing group of people!

What an amazing group of people!

Lastly, in addition to the millions of other things she’s doing in Chicago right now, Jen ran a half marathon today to raise money for Camp No Limits!  She’s SUPER close to raising enough to send one camper for FREE!  If you haven’t already, please consider giving for Jen’s efforts (click here).  Such a great cause.

Nick Newell beats people up for a living.

That’s kinda awesome.

On this episode of Podcasting One-Handed we get to hear from Nick as he tells us about growing-up with one hand, how he deals with the attention and a ton of other stuff.  He even tells about his first MMA fight, the results of which may surprise you!

We also hear from my friend Kristy in this episode.  Kristy is awesome and this is the first in a series of conversations will be having, so if you have topics you’d like us to discuss, please post them in the comments below!

Also, if you have thoughts about bike-riding for kids with limb-differences, share them here or on the Facebook page!

Hope you enjoy the episode!  I’d REALLY appreciate if you subscribed and left a review on iTunes if you like it.

Thanks!

What a story!

I just finished watching the Extreme Weight Loss episode featuring Ryan Sawlsville and I’m still buzzing.  The dude looks fantastic!  But even more than that, it sounds like he feels fantastic, both inside and out.  What a testament to Ryan’s hard work and Chris Powell’s ability to bring the best out of him.

I’ve been looking forward to this episode for weeks and had many questions going into it.  Ryan’s experience as a limb-different person is completely different than mine.  We share a name and a love for the Packers, but I was born with one hand and he lost his.  And he lost his entire arm, which I know makes a world of difference.

Ryan and Chris at the BEGINNING of the year-long journey!

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It’s been a confusing week, to be honest.

Every year, as far back as I can remember, we’ve gotten together as an extended family for Father’s Day.  With my grandfather’s passing in April, though, we’ve decided to spend it as individual families this year.  It made me really sad.  I’ll miss seeing my aunts and uncles and cousins.  I’ll miss seeing all the second cousins playing together.  I just love being with them.

Some of the grandkids and grandpa in 2011

Some of the grandkids and grandpa on Father’s Day 2011

But, it’s a painful time, which is why I understand the decision.  For all my aunts and uncles, it’s their first Father’s Day without their dad.  That’s huge.  It’s a year for us to miss grandpa and to focus on our own families; all the families he has directly affected.  In fact, earlier this week I was feeling sad, but wasn’t sure why.  Julie and the kids stopped by my work and the kids all ran to me and gave me a hug to cheer me up.  Claire asked why momma said I was sad and I told her I wasn’t sure, sometimes you just get sad.  “I bet I know why.  I think you’re sad because grandpa died,” she told me.  She was right.  My perceptive little princess.  Even now my heart is in my throat thinking about it.

Sam, me, grandpa and my dad, Father's Day 2008, I think

Sam, me, grandpa and my dad, Father’s Day 2008, I think

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Today I had the pleasure of speaking to about sixty second-graders.  IT WAS AWESOME.  I gave my talk about how being different is awesome and how each of them is awesome in their own way.  I showed one video (the jumping rope one) during my presentation and they liked it so much they basically begged to see more after the Q&A time…so we watched a couple more (including the basketball one where they clapped every time I made a basket)!  I also juggled a couple of my LOH stress relief cubes and then, at the suggestion of my beautiful wife, had a couple volunteers try it.  Then I gave them each a cube for their efforts.

Let me tell you a couple of my favorite parts and then wrap-up with a more serious thought.

My favorite question was from a little girl who asked, “Do you like Downton Abbey?”  I wanted to shout, “FREE BATES!” but instead just told her that was an AMAZING question.

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Every Saturday morning I’ll be posting links to stories that have affected me throughout the week. I love stories that make me think or laugh or cry…stories that make me feel something.  Stories that give me a new perspective.  Stories that remind me there are amazing people out there doing amazing things.  So, without further ado, here are some stories that I loved this week:

An Odd And Jarring Encounter by Megan Wickersham

Beautiful post from Megan about a situation she had with her limb-different son and a little girl’s rude reaction.

To parents of small children: Let me be the one who says it out loud by Steve Wiens

Steve gives parents permission to be less than perfect.

Worst End of School Year Mom Ever by Jen Hatmaker

This literally made me laugh so hard my sides hurt.  Hilarious stuff from Jen.

Making Big Changes Is A Great Way To Sink A Ship. Try This Instead: by Shauna Niequist

Shauna talks about making small changes in your life rather than trying to make sweeping changes and quitting half-way through.

Expression by Christy Grace

My friend Christy’s first blog post about one of her paintings.  She’s an INCREDIBLE artist!

Patrick Stewart is The Man

An AMAZING short video of a Q&A with Patrick and a young woman about his fight against domestic violence.

I’m Totally Freaked Out! and I’m Less Freaked Out! by Ryan Haack

These two posts from yours truly seemed to really resonate with people this week.  They’re about the experience I had teaching my daughter’s classmates that being different is awesome and how to react appropriately to those who are different than us.

Mike Alt is a young man on a mission to help young people succeed.  I love it.

I hope these stories affect you as they did me.  Make sure to leave comments and follow the creators!  And have a great Saturday!

Today I visited my daughter Claire’s class to capitalize on yesterday’s, uh, eventful experience.

When I arrived this time, all the kids very calmly said, “Hi, Claire’s dad!”  It was pretty clear the teacher had spoken to them after I left yesterday.  As we gathered on the carpet, I confirmed this theory by asking them, “So, did you guys talk about me after I left yesterday?”  I’m super subversive.  They told me that they had all talked about how some people are born with one leg or NO legs or they can’t hear or see, things like that.  At one point as we were identifying differences people might have, this little boy shouted, “MY BROTHER IS SEVEN!”  “That IS different!” I said, trying not to laugh.  He was so earnest and I loved that he identified a difference in his own family.  The teacher asked if they remembered what she said about how we should react and this little boy says, “We’re not supposed to say things about other peoples’ dads.”  Not quite what she was going for, but it made me laugh.  I was overjoyed to hear that she had taken the initiative to talk to her students about the situation and teach them about accepting others.

They had some great questions for me, too, all of them revolving around the same theme: How do you…with one hand?  Most of them didn’t even ask specifics, they just wondered how I did ANYTHING at all.  I told them that I figure out how to do things just like they do.  For instance, I brought a container with two racquet balls in it, so I showed them how I hold it to open it and then took the balls out.  “Do you think I can juggle these?” I asked.  “YES!” shouted Claire.  She was excited about this part all morning.  So, I juggled for them and they clapped as their jaws dropped.  Pretty amazing stuff.

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“HE HAS ONE ARM!  I’M TOTALLY FREAKED OUT!” she yelled.

Basically right in my face.

I dropped my daughter off at her pre-k classroom this morning and that’s how one of the girls regaled me.  A number of them started screaming, feeding off of each other, and as I left I saw Claire say, “He actually has one and a HALF!”  I wanted to laugh, but It wasn’t funny.  She looked sad and uncomfortable.  I wished I could have stayed, but had to go to work.  I wish I had stayed anyway.

If you know me at all, you’re aware that I don’t mind kids’ stares and awkward (read: offensive) reactions.  They’re kids.  Yes, it can be obnoxious, but whatever.  Today, though, I thought to myself, “What if I weren’t me?”  What if I was somebody that was more self-conscious; someone less comfortable with himself?  I’d have been horrified!  I would have yelled at those kids and cried when I got back to my car, telling myself, “THIS is why you don’t go out.”

And then at dinner I asked Claire about this morning and she got really sad.  I asked about their reaction and she said they just kept laughing because they “thought it was weird.”  My arm, she meant.  “Did you say anything?” I asked.  “I tried to, but they just kept laughing and not listening to me!” Claire replied.  It broke my heart.  She tried to defend me, but it fell on deaf ears.

Tomorrow I’m going to stay for a few extra minutes when I drop Claire off.

I want the kids to be able to ask me questions.  I want to give Claire a chance to say something if she wants to.  I want them to see that I’m not something to be freaked-out by, but that I’m a loving dad and a pretty funny guy.  I want to tell them, lovingly, that laughing and screaming about someone’s difference is inappropriate.  I will tell them that we’re all different in some way and that, instead of freaking-out about it, we should ask questions nicely and get to know people as friends.  I want to help out the next person who might not be like me.

And I’m still debating about whether or not to end our time together by screaming and chasing them around the room while I flail my arms.

We’ll see.

 

I See A Therapist

May 17, 2013 — 18 Comments

In the summer of 2004 I said to myself, “I need to see a therapist.”  I remember where I was standing and how I felt when I said it.

On September 2nd, 2010, I saw Dr. S for the first time.

It took me over six years to make that first appointment.

What took me so long?  Looking back, I believe the stigma of “seeing a therapist” is what caused the delay.  Forgive my generalization, but I’m a man.  Men believe they can handle things on their own.  We don’t like asking for help because it makes us look weak.  At least that’s our perception.  In reality, asking for help when you need it is one of the strongest things you can do.  Especially if you’ve been driving in the wrong direction for an hour and everybody knows it, but you don’t want to admit it.  Am I right?!  Anyway, for me, I didn’t want anybody to know about the dark feelings bubbling underneath.  Heck, I didn’t want to believe they were there myself!  I wanted to be a good dad and husband and take care of everything on my own.  So, I stuffed it all deep down inside.

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In January I had the pleasure of traveling to Boston for an event with my friend Tony Memmel.  Due to some unforeseen circumstances (ahem – missed my bus from Madison), I ended-up getting to the airport a little early.  I sat down to eat breakfast and a little while later I noticed Tony and his mom, Katie, sitting at a table on the other side of the food court.  Instead of going over, I just watched.  I know that sounds creepy, but I don’t mean it that way.  I just mean that I watched a mother and her son enjoying their time together.  They smiled, they laughed, they looked comfortable; like two people genuinely enjoying each others company.  Eventually, I did make my way over and we walked toward our gate together.  They hugged, said their “I love you’s” and told each other to be safe.  “There’s all this weird construction around the airport right now; I don’t like that she has to drive in it,” Tony told me.

8355626Having recently finished Katie’s book, Five Fingers, Ten Toes: A Mother’s Story of Raising a Child With a Limb-Difference, the exchange I witnessed between the two of them in January comes as no surprise.  They are quite the pair, those two!  In her book, Katie recounts her journey as a young mother raising a different kind of child.  What I love most about Katie’s story is the honesty with which she tells it.  Her struggles, her fears, her bad reactions, her confusion…all on display.  What is also on display, though, is her growth and her wisdom.  She shares with us her philosophies on parenting and tells us how she did it without making the reader feel like they’re a bad person if they don’t do it the same way.

It was so interesting for me as a limb-different person to read about the experience from her perspective.  To hear about the painful beginnings in the delivery room and to know that my own mother went through much the same experience.  To see the many parallels between Tony and I.  My mom read the book, too, and hasn’t felt able to talk about it with me yet.  “It’s so, so powerful, Ryan,” she told me, “I’ve had to set it down numerous times to just cry and remember.”  She connected so deeply with the joy and the pain that Katie went through and found it overwhelming to know other women went through the same thing.  If you’re a parent, especially a mom, of a limb-different child, you need to read this book.  It will affect you deeply.

Ultimately, though, Five Fingers, Ten Toes is a book for anyone that likes a good story;  Katie’s is rich and she tells it well.  And it’s not only Tony’s inspiring story about overcoming obstacles along the way to becoming an accomplished musician.  It’s a story about a mother and a father, finding their way.  A sister (Hi, Megan!) who was loved by her brother and parents and has her own story to tell.  It’s about a family.  It’s about love and respect and hope.

And I, for one, am I’m so thankful Katie shared it.

You can purchase Katie’s book through Amazon or her website and you can learn more about Tony at his website, TonyMemmel.com.