Archives For Help

This was originally posted June 23rd, 2011, on RyanHaack.com

I’ve seen Finding Nemo over fifty times, I’m sure.  Sometimes I make my kids watch it just so I can watch it with them.  I mean, what’s not to love?  A cute fish, an overprotective dad who really just loves his son, Ellen, mass murder by a barracuda…I could go on and on.  Plus, there are tons of great lines, like, “Just keep swimming!” and “To the top of Mount Wanna-hock-a-loogie!”

Now, there’s an obvious connection between me and the little guy, Nemo.  In case you’re unfamiliar, or you just haven’t noticed before, he has a “bad fin.”  I’ve always kind of wondered what lead to that part of the story as far as the writers are concerned.  Like, did one of them have a child or relative with a limb difference and they worked it into the story?  Curious.  Anyone able to hook me up with a writer from the movie that knows?  C’mon internet…do your thing.  (Update: I asked Andrew Stanton – writer and director of Nemo – about it on Twitter and he said, “personal experience.” Hmm.)

And while Nemo seems the logical choice, here’s the truth: I actually identify more with Gill.  And not just because he’s voiced by fellow Wisconsinite and total creepy dude, Willem Dafoe.  This scene helps explain why (I know it’s out of sync, sorry):

See, I grew-up having one hand. A “bad fin.” So, I get Nemo. I understand him. But, as strange as this may sound, I’m actually challenged by Gill. He’s an adult with experience, like me, and even though his motives were somewhat suspect, he came around and really took Nemo under his wing. Er, fin. Bad fin. And I’d like to do that, too. I’d like to encourage people who have limb differences like me. Wait, do I have a new hero? I think the answer is yes.

My earlier post about staring garnered a lot of amazing responses and one of them was from a mom named Molly. Molly’s daughter Ryan was born with a limb difference, like me. Now, there were two things I loved about Ryan right off the bat: 1) She has a sweet name and 2) she’s wearing a pink Transformers shirt on their website. Amazing. I also loved Molly’s attitude about Ryan. When talking about her limb difference, she said, “I’m sure you will not be at all surprised that this has NOT slowed her a bit. She is a joyful, brilliant, fearless wonderfully made little girl to say the least. I wouldn’t change a single thing about her.” I believe it.

What’s really awesome is that Molly started something called The Lucky Fin Project. They sell these amazing bracelets to raise awareness and to “celebrate the wonderfully made, one bracelet at a time.” I and my family are so proud to support her and her family as they “educate, celebrate, support and unite.”

268032 10150659627100603 532525602 19213539 3941960 n e1308795932138 300x282 Why I Identify More With Gill Than With Nemo

You should totally go checkout the bracelets available and get one. I promise you they really are awesome. And it’s a great cause. Oh, and she has these stickers you can get, too:

264392 10150659699075603 532525602 19214798 6373187 n 225x300 Why I Identify More With Gill Than With Nemo

I know this seemed like it turned into a big plug for the LFP, and to some extent that’s true. But, it’s only because I think it’s a great idea and I know Molly’s heart is to help people. And that’s what I’m after, too. I want to partner with people who are telling others that they are beautiful and talented and valuable. And that’s what Molly’s doing. This beautiful bracelet she’s giving them is a visual reminder of the beautiful person they are. I love that.

And I think Gill would, too.

UPDATE: It’s giveaway time! Just make your entries below and you could win this guy:

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a Rafflecopter giveaway

Seems like a lot of people have a Media Monday or Monday Soup kind of thing going on.  I think I’ll try that.  There’ll be more criteria for it shortly.  In the meantime, enjoy this one.

If you haven’t heard of Brené Brown, consider this your introduction.

Hi. I'm Brené.

Brené studies vulnerability, courage, authenticity, and shame.  Her mission is to help others live a wholehearted life.  I believe everyone can benefit from Brené’s research, especially her insight into shame resistance.

I remember the first time I saw her TED talk.  It blew me away.  I still watch it every now and then and I tell everyone I know to watch it, too.  It’s been viewed over 3 million times!  So, watch this:

I also remember reading the first paragraph of her amazing book, The Gifts of Imperfection, and bought it immediately.  She says, “Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness.  It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough.  It’s going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging.”

No matter if you’re limb-different or not, take some time to get to know Brené Brown today.  You’ll be better for it.

Follow @BreneBrown on Twitter, too!

 

If I ever meet Kevin Connolly, and I hope I do, I’ll probably stare at him.

Just being honest.

See, Kevin was born without legs.

Is that an amazing picture or what?

In his memoir, Double Take: A Memoir, one story Kevin shares is how he turned the tables on those who stared.  The idea was brilliant.  Kevin uses a skateboard to get around instead of a wheelchair or prosthetic legs, so his vantage point is unique to begin with.  At one point he became so frustrated with the staring, he decided to use his camera to stare back.  He’d skate around and, while looking the other way, he’d snap a picture of someone he could sense was staring.  The results were The Rolling Exhibition.

Double Take: A Memoir, is Kevin’s life story…even though he’s only 26 years old.  “Originally I didn’t want to write a memoir,” he says in the Epilogue.  “The genre felt too loaded for me; I whined and griped about how unqualified I was to write a retrospective on such a short life.”  I love his honesty.  And I’m glad he fought through the insecurities to write it anyway.

If you’re familiar with my blog, you know I also have experience with being stared at.  At some point or another, though, those of us with physical differences realize that our parents dealt with the staring way before we did.  This realization was powerful for Kevin.  As he showed his photos to his parents, his dad said, “We’ve been seeing that your whole life.” His dad also said it was “pretty tough to keep myself from smacking some of these folks over the years.”  A couple months ago I had a very similar conversation with my own dad.  Parents of children with obvious physical differences are a rare and inspiration breed.

Kevin also speaks to the reality of feeling “normal” only within our circle of friends.  Especially those of us with obvious physical differences.  “Unlike me, many people are able to hide their differences from the world.  Whether it’s not getting on the dance floor because you have wobbly knees or wearing turtlenecks to cover that scar on your collarbone, you can exercise some sort of control over how you are perceived by the outside world.  But the fact that I don’t have legs is pretty hard to hide.  Even if I wore prosthetics, I still couldn’t hide the fact that I’m missing these limbs.  Only when I’m inside my circle of family and friends is my disability so familiar that it’s normal,” Kevin writes.  Kevin is so right.  It stil amazes me when my family and friends say they don’t notice my arm is missing.  But, I believe them.  And I appreciate it.

Double Take: A Memoir, is a well-written, captivating story of one young man’s life so far.  Kevin’s stories about his family, his skiing experiences, his world-traveling, his love found and lost (and found and lost again), all from the unique perspective of having no legs, are powerful.  If you’re a parent or a friend of someone with a difference, you’ll love Kevin’s story.  And if you are a person with a difference, you’ll identify completely with his experience.

(Full disclosure: There’s some strong language in the book, so it really is for adults.  Pretty sure it’d be rated R if it was a movie.  Wait…can I buy the movie right to this??)

Here’s a fantastic interview with Kevin.  Also, Meredith hits on him.  Seemed more awkward than if she had just said he was an inspiration.  Anywho…

Pounding nails is quite the trick for someone with one hand.

I would know.

I’ll tell you the most frustrating ones to pound, though.  You know those cheap book cases you get from Walmart or Target?  The ones with that fake-woodgrain piece of thin cardboard you have to unfold and nail to the back of the case.  Yeah, that situation is insanely frustrating.  And I know those are technically brads or whatever, but still…frustrating.

I’m not much of a handy-man (ha) per se, but I’ve used a hammer and nails enough in my life to know…it ain’t easy. I also know that I haven’t tried many other methods of doing it.  I’m sure there are countless tools or helps or methods out there, I just haven’t used them.  Again, necessity is the mother of invention, and let’s be honest…it’s rarely necessary for me to nail stuff together.

So, this is how I do it.  One way, at least.  If you have a cool way of doing it, I’d love if you made a reply video!  And if you have questions or ideas, post them in the comments section.  I promise to respond.  And if I don’t, you can totally nail me on it.  GET IT?  See what I did there?!

Sigh.

The other day, while perusing Caitlin’s blog, I came across a video of Josh Sundquist.

And I liked what I saw.

Ok, that sounds a little creepy.

I just mean that he seemed really cool.  And since I had never heard of him before, I checked out more of his stuff.

Including his book, Just Don’t Fall: A Hilariously True Story of Childhood, Cancer, Amputation, Romantic Yearning, Truth, and Olympic Greatness.

Turns out, we have a lot in common.  He’s missing his left leg, I’m missing my left forearm.  He likes making people laugh and I like making people laugh.  He liked girls growing up and so did I.  The similarities are eery.  And I think I just found a new “weirdest word” nominee.

Seriously, Josh has an amazing story.  He lost his left leg to cancer at the age of nine and yet, he overcame the odds to make the paralympic skiing team in 2006.  Honestly, though, the skiing part isn’t what I loved about his book.  It was all the other stuff.  The family stuff.  The girl stuff.  The faith stuff.  Josh has such a clear voice and a vulnerability that sucks you in.  I can’t tell you how many times I said, “Ahh!  I’ve felt the same way!”  And he’s hilarious, too.  His recounting of the first motivational speech he gave is priceless.  Painful, but priceless.

I loved the part when Josh shared about getting counseling to help with his “grayness,” or depression.  Perfectionism had taken over and feelings of failure and hopelessness moved in.  Finally, after a lot of help and soul searching, he came to a point where perfectionism and the fear of failure had to go.  So he kicked them out.  “It was enough [trying, not only winning], because I was enough. Either way.  I was enough,” he says.  It took a lot of guts to share that experience and I know, I know it’s helpful for countless people struggling with the same thought patterns.

This is not just a book about a guy with one leg who learns how to ski.  That actually sounds incredibly insulting as I write it.  It’s so much more.  It’s a story of a boy and his family.  It’s a story of a young man trying to figure out how his homeschooling and his Christian upbringing fits with the real world.  It’s a story of loss and heartbreak.  It’s a story of love and hope and triumph.

It’s a story you should read.

Josh thinks you should read his book, too.

[FULL DISCLOSURE: This book is NOT for kids.  There are a few parts with very strong language, so be warned.]

Driving One-Handed

February 25, 2012 — 23 Comments

One time my brother Joey took me to show-and-tell.

His classmates asked me all kinds of questions about what I was able to do.

“Can you tie your shoes?”  “Can you ride a bike?”  And someone asked, “Can you drive a car?”

I remember thinking that was a dumb question.  I don’t think I said it (I hope I didn’t!), but I thought, “How do you think I got here?”

I learned to drive just like everybody else I knew.  I took driver’s ed, where I was called Roger most of the time because it turned-out my instructor was my uncle’s (and dad’s) gym teacher when they were my age.  “No, Mr. Nording, it’s Ryan.  Roger is my uncle,” I’d remind him.  It also turned-out that my dad was living in Mr. Nording’s old house.  Anyway…I digress.

My driving test was a piece of cake, other than the one point I got off for parallel parking too far away from the curb.  It was the drive home I screwed-up.  My mom was adamant she drive home, but somehow I convinced her to let me instead.  We pulled into our driveway and saw smoke.  I guess I was nervous because I was riding the brakes the whole time.  Sorry, mom.

I’m happy to report that after nearly 20 years of driving experience, I’ve only caused one accident.  And that was just a bump.  Literally.  I took a corner in the snow and just kept slowly sliding toward this person stopped at a red light.  I could see them staring at me as I muttered, “Aw, crap.”  There wasn’t any damage, but they called the police anyway.  After that my memory gets hazy.

As I say in the video, I’ve never had to modify my vehicles in any way.  Sometimes it’s a pain to pull the door shut because I have to reach across myself to do it, but it’s not a big deal.  Also, going through the drive-thru is a challenge.  If you want to try it yourself, the next time you go through one, only use your right hand.  I dare you not to drop the change they hand you.

Ok…I’m going to go sit in my Buick Time Machine now and listen to some Spin Doctors.

Enjoy the video!

Perhaps you saw the recent story about Eli Pierre being denied a job at Starbucks because he has one arm.

Obviously, the situation caught my attention.

As I’ve written before, I’m pretty lenient when it comes to peoples’ reactions to me; including their stares.  But, I think it’s safe to say that I would have handled this situation, uh, considerably more undignified than Eli did.  Things would have been thrown.  Names would have been called.

I hesitate, though, to be angry with Starbucks as a whole.  It sounds like the onus here is smack dab on the hiring manager.  It amazes me that this thought process actually exists.  And I use the word “process” loosely.

I also have a deeper connection to the story because 11 years ago I was a barista at Starbucks.  This was before everything was automated, too.  I ground the beans and loaded the hoppers and tamped and pulled shots and pumped syrup…I did it all, baby.  And I was good at it.  My manager, the guy who hired me, was a big, bald, hilarious gay guy with a sun tattoo on his calf.  He did not discriminate against me, nor did Starbucks against him.  I enjoyed my co-workers and recall my time there fondly.

This is not me.

Remembering my stint at Starbucks got me thinking about the other jobs I’ve had over the years.  I had to laugh at the irony of some of them.  My first job was at ACE Hardware.  I carried bags of softener salt, cut keys and glass, bagged nuts and bolts and countless other manual tasks.  I also worked at Eddie Bauer in the Mall of America for a while where I had to fold clothes every shift.  Then there was the job I had processing donations for a non-profit.  I opened envelopes, sorted papers and entered data into a computer every day.  There was also the time I worked at a shoe store, carrying and stacking boxes and tying shoes for customers.  Oh, and I went to school for radio and then worked at a station for a while where I spliced tape, ran the board for various programs and performed on-air while producing.

As you can see, there was a lot of room in each of those jobs for me to feel like I couldn’t do things with only one hand.  And a lot of opportunity for other people to think I couldn’t.  Very rarely, though, was my arm ever brought-up.  In fact, the only times I can remember were when I worked at the hardware store and my concerned boss just wanted to make sure I was ok.  Other than that, it was smooth sailing.

That’s why Eli’s story boggles my mind.  As I’m sure it boggled his while it was happening.  The closest I came to something like this was when I was being helped by the Department of Vocational Rehabilitation and my counselor suggested I get a prosthetic arm, “just for aesthetic reasons. You know, to help in interviews and that sort of thing.”  I was furious.  I told him that if someone didn’t want to hire me because of my arm, besides being illegal, it was their loss.  And I wouldn’t want to work for them anyway.  He seemed satisfied with that answer.  Not like he had a choice.

And as bad as that was, it’s a far cry from what Eli experienced.

So, what do we learn from this?  We learn that ignorance, bigotry, and insensitivity are alive and well.  If you’re black, asian, short, tall, blind, deaf, wheelchair bound, limb-different, speak with a lisp…basically, if you’re different in any noticeable way, you are already familiar with this fact.

I do believe, though, that this is the exception and not the rule.  I believe whole-heartedly that most people desire to treat others with respect and dignity.  Even when they are unsure of how to react to someone who is different, I believe the majority are trying their best to do the right thing.  To look those who are different in the eye, to not stare, to ask questions respectfully, to accept.

And when those of us who are different encounter the person who hasn’t come around yet, like Eli did, we have a choice.  We can let it beat us and bruise us.  We can let it send us into a tailspin.  We can let it harden our heart.  We can allow it to shape our thinking about everyone.

Or, we can bring it to the light.  We can use it to educate and illuminate.  We can become stronger by pushing through it.  We can stand-up for those who are different and invite those who aren’t to do the same.

We can overcome.

My wife and I went out for dinner on Valentine’s Day and I splurged for a steak.

“Honey?” I asked as I held up my phone. She was actually more into it than I was. I get super self-conscious taking pictures at restaurants, so a video was even more of a challenge.

Anything for the LOH Nation, though.

Sorry about how dark the video is, but hopefully you can still see how I did it.

And don’t worry, I do still plan on making another steak-cutting video with better lighting.

How To Hold Twins One-Handed

February 14, 2012 — 4 Comments

My beautiful friend, Sarah, just had twins.

They are awesome.

Her other son just turned two and had a wonderful birthday party that I attended on Sunday.

I brought my video camera to said party so as to videotape myself holding the twins.

If that’s weird, I don’t want to be…not…weird.

Is that cute or what??  Will and Ryder are adorable and I loved holding them.

Thanks so much to their wonderful parents, Andrew and Sarah, for lending them to me!

And if the twins ever become famous, I’m taking credit for it.

Ryder, me and Will

How To Zip A Coat One-Handed

February 12, 2012 — 13 Comments

A number of people have asked me how I zip my coat.

Here it is:

Remember, this is just how I do it.  However you do it is great!