How To Get From Boston To Milwaukee In 30 Hours

This is the conclusion of my four-part recap of the Helping Hands Foundation’s 2014 Winter Outing.  Read about Friday here, Saturday here and Sunday here.

While my travel to the outing was uneventful, my trip home was…kind of a disaster.

Tony, Nikki and I left the hotel a little after 10am and my flight to Philadelphia departed as planned around 130pm.  I arrived in Philly, took the shuttle to Terminal F, and waited for my 522pm flight to Milwaukee.  We were all sitting there, waiting and watching for our plane to arrive at the gate.  5pm, still no plane.  515pm, no plane.  Finally we were told the plane would arrive at 6pm and we’d leave at 645pm.  The plane finally arrived at 630pm and we waited for an update.  The woman at the gate said something about the pilot needing 15 more minutes to talk to the people in Milwaukee “to make sure it’s safe.”  That was the first indication we had that we might not be going home that night.

Finally, the woman came back and I’ll never forget the look of fear on her face.  She didn’t even use the PA system, she just blurted out, “It’s cancelled.”  Of course a ton of irate people ran at her, like SHE made the decision to cancel it.  What did they want her to do? “Oh, I can see you’re all very upset, so, never mind!  Let’s board and head to Milwaukee! Hope you don’t die!”  Just dumb.  So, we all had to stand in line and try to reschedule our flights.  Rumors were swirling about why the flight was cancelled and when we’d be able to get out of Philly.  I met a few people who I got to help make laugh, so that was nice.  I finally got to the counter and was super jokey with the lady, which she seemed to appreciate.  The first flight she found me had me getting into Milwaukee at 230am on Tuesday.  Yeah…no.  I had her look again and she found the LAST flight to Charlotte, NC at 5, connecting me to Milwaukee around 1030.  “Sweet, I’ve never been to North Carolina!” I said.  She laughed.  She printed my tickets and off I went.

Continue reading

Helping Hands Foundation 2014 Winter Outing: Sunday

This is my recap of the Helping Hands Foundation’s 2014 Winter Outing.  Read about Friday here and Saturday here.

Did you know that the Australian Open (tennis) was on LIVE at 4am Sunday morning?

I didn’t, but found it after getting back to my room around then.

That’s what happens when you’re making friends.

After a few hours of sleep (which would become incredibly unfortunate later), I packed-up and headed downstairs for breakfast.  Another buffet, featuring bacon and various other breakfast foods.  Eventually I made my rounds, giving hugs and goodbyes to friends, old and new.  We also had our annual HHF Winter Outing picture with the incomparable Dayna and Vennessa!

Dayna, Tony, Nikki, Moi, Beka, Nick and Vennessa

Dayna, Tony, Nikki, Moi, Beka, Nick and Vennessa

Last year I really had no idea what to expect when I attended for the first time.  And it changed my life.  It really did.  That’s why I was so excited to come back this year!  It’s amazing to hear attendee after attendee talking about how they’ve been coming for ten, fifteen, twenty, even thirty years!  And yet, I feel like a part of the family.  That’s what I appreciate most about Helping Hands.  The acceptance, the love, the laughter, the support…it’s all there in spades.  That’s why I can’t see ever not attending.  Maybe that’ll change some day, but I can’t imagine how.

Continue reading

Helping Hands Foundation 2014 Winter Outing: Saturday

This is my recap of the Helping Hands Foundation’s Winter Outing.  Read about Friday here.

Saturday arrived a bit early for my taste, but I got downstairs in time for breakfast and a couple of great speakers.

Nicole Kelly, Miss Iowa 2013, was first to take the stage and she owned it.  It was so cool to finally meet Nikki (I had interviewed her last year) and see her in action.  She was positive and encouraging and challenging, all at the same time.  It was fun to see all the kids lined-up to get pictures with her and to see her interacting with them all.  Nikki gives speeches all the time, but this was different than usual.  You could see her eyes twinkling as each little girl and boy came to her and showed her what made them different.  She made them each feel special.

Me and Nicole

Me and Nicole

Continue reading

Helping Hands Foundation 2014 Winter Outing: Friday

This is my recap of the Helping Hands Foundation’s 2014 Winter Outing. Read about Saturday here and Sunday here.

If there’s one thing I’ll remember about this year’s Helping Hands Foundation winter outing, it’s this:

Thank goodness nobody was recording me during my talent show performance.

For real, though, this year’s event was awesome; just like I expected it to be.  Those of us who attended were happy benefactors, basking in the leadership of amazing folks like Patti, Vennessa and Dayna.  Ok, enough wordplay.  The leadership of the HHF is incredible and they do such a fantastic job with the event.  Bravo to all who helped!

I’m going to write three posts, broken down as such: Friday, Saturday and Sunday/Travel Misadventures.

So…here’s Friday.

My experience this year started WAY better than last: I didn’t miss the bus!  I left my house at 345am, took a bus to Milwaukee at 430am, left for Boston (with a pit-stop in Cleveland) at 8am and arrived a bit after 1pm.  Long, but uneventful.  The plan was to meet-up with my good friend, Tony Memmel, and new friend, Nicole Kelly, at Logan Airport and head to the hotel together.  After wandering around for a while, I finally found Nicole and then Tony found us.  Our friend Annie picked us up and off we went! Continue reading

How Having One Hand Got Me On Jay Mohr Sports

Earlier today I was on a nationally syndicated sports radio show.

All because I have one hand.

See, I was listening to Jay Mohr Sports and they were talking about a story wherein a zoo is no longer feeding bananas to monkeys because they say the bananas have too much sugar and calories.  Sports!  Jay was saying how he’s never gone to a zoo and seen fat monkeys just laying around holding their bellies, so, I sent this tweet:

 

Apparently, after I left my car to return to work, Jay read my tweet.  Brad tweeted at me that Jay wanted to know if I really had one hand and that I should call in.  I had a little time left on my lunch, so I did.  And this happened:

 

So, 4 million listeners heard that.  AND I’m getting a gift card!  Sweet.  A couple things stuck out to me after having listened to this.  First, even don’t know what I meant when I said, “You know how that goes.”  It was the most mundane accident ever.  The part I loved, though, was when Jay tried to ask me about my arm.  The dude is a comedian…I don’t think I’ve ever heard him be so careful about his word choice before in my life.  I was happy to jump in and help diffuse the situation.

I also thought his reaction to my story was interesting.  Like, I only have one arm and I broke the small one…what a disaster!  When, in fact, it would have been worse if I had broken the other one!  He essentially played the Hand Card for me, too!  Classic.

In retrospect, I wish I had said something more profound, but it was spur of the moment and I just went with the flow.  It was cool to be a part of the show and to expose Jay’s audience to Living One-Handed.  I’ve already had several people read one of my most challenging posts and respond positively, which is awesome.

In the big scheme of things, the experience today wasn’t life-altering or anything, but it was a lot of fun.

And next time I’ll talk about something more inspiring.

Like the Packers.

How To Successfully Play The Hand Card

Sometimes I play the hand card.

For instance, if I’m lying on the couch watching football and my wife asks me to help with something, I might mumble, “Sorry, I only have one hand.”

Or if a friend asks if I can drive them to the airport I might look at them, point at my arm, then say, “Can’t.”

Basically, if you ask me to do something I don’t want to do…sorry, one hand.

Hopefully it’s obvious to you that in these instances I’m joking.  It’s a cheap joke, for sure, and it gets old (based on the looks and sighs I get from my wife), but it’s still funny to me.  And sometimes it even results in unexpected benefits!  One time at work, for example, I moved desks to where there was a much larger monitor than nearly everyone else had.  My supervisor came by and said she’d need to swap it out for a regular one because they only had so many of them.  I begged and pleaded with her to let me keep it, but she was steadfast.  That’s when I jokingly pulled out the hand card.  “Listen, Michelle,” I said, feigning seriousness.  “I’ve been here a long time and you know I don’t ask for much.  But, c’mon…I have one hand.  Let me keep the monitor.”  “Oh, for crying out loud…just keep it, ya weirdo,” she said.

And I did.

Because THAT is how to successfully play the card.  Throw it out there as a joke and see what happens.

You might be thinking, “Ryan, that’s not really fair.  You can’t ask to be treated the same as everyone else and then play the hand card to get out of things.”  Now, if I actually used it to get out of things, I’d totally agree with you.  The fact that I’m joking 99.9% of the time means I can do it whenever I want because…I have one hand.  See what I did there?

Now, not to get too serious, but, I want to be clear:  I’m not talking about the very real challenges minorities face on a daily basis.  And yes, I’m including amputees as minorities because we are in the minority.  We get stared at, excluded, and made fun of, too.  Though the oppression experienced by amputees is different and usually less overt than others encounter, it has and still does exist.  This is another post in and of itself, methinks.

In reality, I never use my hand as an excuse.  Never would.  That’s why the joke is funny.  It’s absurd.  Not that I needed to explain that to you.  Nevertheless, the next time you’re holding 37 bags of groceries in both hands and you ask if I can get the door…

One hand.

The Most Brilliant Question Ever

Today I surprised my good friend, Stacy.

She was sitting down at church and I went over to give her a hug.  As I was standing behind her, I leaned down and put my right hand on her right shoulder and my left arm on her left shoulder and gave a little squeeze.  She reached up to reciprocate and as her hand reached the end of my left arm, her brows furrowed in confusion.  Then I saw her smile as she remembered what was happening and she patted my arm.  It was adorable.

“I totally forgot about your arm!” she told me later.  Which is funny because I’ve known Stacy for nearly a decade.  She’s “Auntie Stacy” to my kids and my wife’s best friend.  I count her as one of the most important people in my life.  So, that little moment of surprise made me smile like crazy.

Later in the same service, I was standing next to my wife and I was caught off-guard by her beauty.  This is the woman I’ve been in love with for over 15 years and still…those eyes.  That crinkly-nosed smile.  Go ahead and throw-up if you want to.  I know it’s mushy, but I can’t help it.  She’s beautiful.  It’s shameful that I take it for granted so often, but it makes these moments where I realize how blessed I an even more powerful.

It’s so easy to miss these little surprises we run across every day.  We get too busy and stressed and subsequently ignore the moments that would bring us joy.  Let’s not do that.  Sound good?

My kids supply these moments of surprise every dang day.  For instance, my youngest, Claire, asked me the other day, “Daddy, how do you spell ‘eek’?”  I told her how to spell it and she turned back to the table to write it down, but before she began she turned back and asked again, “How do you spell it in a high pitched voice?”  IS THAT NOT THE MOST BRILLIANT QUESTION EVER ASKED?  Seriously…amazing.  My son Sam wrote a rap about “keeping Christ in Christmas” and then made trumpet noises during the “rap parts” of Flo Rida’s “Good Feeling.”  Both of those things surprised me.  Then my daughter Anna punched me in the gut and yelled “POUND IT!” as she ran by.  Ok, that one wasn’t as cute, albeit still surprising.

My point here is that we all come across little surprises every day.  When we recognize them and appreciate them, our lives are better.  That’s it.

So, let’s not miss ’em.

What little surprise has made you smile recently?

Even When It Doesn’t Work, It Works

It’s going to be cold here the next couple of days.

Like, close-all-the-schools-in-the-entire-state-of-Wisconsin cold.

So, since it’s still above freezing today, I decided to throw on a hat, lace up my sneaks and head outside for a brisk walk.  I bought the Run, Zombies! 5k app recently and thought I’d give it a whirl.  It’s funny because I don’t like zombies, but I do like stories and I heard this app was fun, so…why not?

I stepped outside, pressed “Start Mission” and began to walk.  It began with a two minute clip of a woman in a plane taking supplies to a remote village when suddenly the plane was shot down.  The radio operator from the village kept trying to make contact and eventually advised anybody who was still alive to get to safety.  Then…

Nothing.

Just silence.

Apparently the app couldn’t connect to my music.  The timer was still going, but it wasn’t telling me anything about how far I had gone or how much time was left.  I was really frustrated, but just kept walking.  Would another clip start to play at some point?  Did I do something wrong?  Every now and then, between dodging patches of ice, I’d pull my glove off with my teeth and fiddle with my phone, trying to figure it out.  Nothing seemed to work.  Eventually I just gave-up and walked home.

When I got home, I realized something.  Even though the app didn’t work the way I thought it would…it still got me out of the house and I ended-up walking for 30 minutes.  So, it kind of did work.  After the fact I figured out how to setup the Quick Playlist for the music and got deeper into the settings, so I’m confident it will work better next time.  And sure, I could have taken advantage of that time and “cleared my mind” or prayed or whatever, but I’m not going to beat myself up over that.  My goal was to walk and that’s what I did.  Mission accomplished.

We all want things to work as planned.  That’s natural.  It’s also inevitable that things will not go as planned sometimes.  What I learned today is that just because something goes differently than planned, it doesn’t mean all is lost.  It can still work.

In fact, sometimes those are the best, most interesting times to learn something.

Has that ever happened to you?

That Could’ve Been Super Funny On Facebook

Usually I take advantage of an awkward situation and try to make it funny.

Especially when it involves my arm.

Not tonight, though.

I went to pick-up a pizza for dinner and as I waited, one of the employees started messing around.  “Dudes, I just cut off my finger!” he yelled and laughed.  “We’re gonna have to cut off the rest of your arm to prevent infection,” another kid said.  “Totally!” another one agreed.  “Here’s your pizza, sir,” the last guy said as he handed me the pie.  I just stood there, annoyed.  Did none of them notice my arm?  Or did they and they just didn’t connect the dots about what they were saying?

All I know is that usually I would have thought it was funny.  I would have said something like, “That’s what I had to do!”  But, not tonight.  Tonight I was grumpy.  I’ve been sick for nearly three weeks, I can barely speak because of said sickness (coughing), I have a headache, I’m tired, it’s literally going to be 50 degrees below zero the next couple days, I doubt the Packers are going to win on Sunday…you get the point.

So, why am I telling you this?  See, I have a deep sense of responsibility when it comes to my role in the world.  Part of that is being funny.  Part of it is being a teacher.  I put a lot of pressure on myself to take advantage of these types of situations and when I don’t, well…I feel like I failed.

We all have these moments, though, right?  We’re not proud of them or happy they occur, but they do anyway.  I know parents of limb-different kids look to me as an example and I strive to be a good one, so I figure some honesty here will go a long way.  Your kids will get frustrated at times.  Frustrated with a task.  Frustrated with people staring or pointing.  They might even snap and react in a way that “isn’t like them.”  And nobody really grows out of that.

While I didn’t snap tonight, I certainly reacted in a way that was out of the norm for me.

And that’s ok.

You know why?  Because it’s part of life.  We all have bad days.  We all react in ways we wish we hadn’t from time to time.  And you know what happens after we do that?  We feel kind of bad, maybe a little out of sorts, and then we move on.  We apologize to those we offended (if we did) and try to get our groove back.  Usually it just takes time.  Other times a good friend helps us through.  Somehow or another we get past it and start acting “like ourselves” again.

When I left the pizza place, I thought to myself, “Well, that was a waste.  That could’ve been super funny on Facebook.”  And while that’s true, I also realized I wasn’t giving myself grace to just be a dude.  A dude who was feeling grumpy.  I need to remember to do that.  We all do.

Especially now that we’re all only days away from breaking our New Year’s resolutions!

There we go…a zinger.

I think I’m turning the corner.

Be gracious and patient with yourself.

I will, too.