Even though I only have one, I still call it “washing my hands.” To this day, nobody’s called me a liar.

These days, washing my hands is pretty simple. The only problem I run into on a fairly regular basis is splash-back. Especially in public restrooms. Usually the water pressure is set to fire-hose levels, so that combined with the fact that I have to lean-in a bit more to wash my left elbow leads to water-speckled pants. Usually in the groinal area, which is outstanding.

Now, in days of yore, there used to be those faucets where you had to press down on the knobs and then the water would stay on for, like, .7 seconds at a time. Those are hard for people with two hands to use. Try using them with one! I’d hit that knob, then wash, then hit the knob, then wash, etc. etc. Sometimes I’d try to hold the hot one down with my left elbow. Yeah, that never worked.

I’m thankful that phase in faucet manufacturing is over.

By the way, I don’t always wash my hands as if I’m about to perform open heart surgery. Sheesh.

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