Well, that was gross.
How To Peel Fruit One-Handed
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Well, that was gross.
Monthly Archives: January 2012
How To Survive Being Stared At
I originally posted this piece on RyanHaack.com in June 2011.
The other day some kids stared at me. My son’s class was meeting at the park to perform their year-end songs and I decided to surprise Sam by coming. Earlier I told him I had to work, so when his friends saw me walking toward the park they started shouting, “Sam! Your dad’s here! I thought you said he was for sure not coming?!” Sam ran to me, smiling sheepishly, and wrapped his arms around my neck. Then his friends came over. There they stood. All lined-up, their little 7-year old fingers pointed at me like an adorable firing squad. “What happened to his arm?” some of them quietly asked. “Hey, boys,” I said. I mean, I’m used to this.
I was born missing my left arm just below the elbow. People have been staring at me my whole life. Heck, I stare at me when I walk by a store front or when I see myself in a video. I’m different; it’s a fact of life. So, those situations at the park are not altogether uncommon. Kids are curious. They also have no sense of decorum. And that’s totally cool, but honestly, it’s still hard sometimes. It’s hard to be stared at, even when it’s been happening to you for 33 years.
So, how do I deal with it? It helps me to remember a few things.
Kids don’t know any better. I’m not saying kids aren’t smart or anything, I’m just saying they’ve (probably) never seen somebody like me and their brains are still in that stage where they’re like, “HOLY CRAP. THAT DUDE IS MISSING HIS ARM. I MUST KNOW WHY. I WILL ASK HIM IMMEDIATELY.” I think my favorite reaction is when I tell them that I was born without it and they say, “No you weren’t. Where is it really?” They’re convinced I’m somehow hiding it. It’s awesome. So, yes, it can still be somewhat awkward when kids stare, but I can’t fault them. They’re curious; and for good reason.
Parents usually don’t know any better, either. Honestly, parents are harder to deal with. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not mad at them. I kind of pity them, actually. Most of the time they have no idea how to react when their child gets vocal about my arm. And I can’t blame ‘em. I mean, that’s not one of those things you practice with your child. ”Ok, so if we happen to see someone with one arm today, let’s make sure we politely say hello and walk by them without staring. If you must ask them what happened, please do so with dignity and tact.” Right. Usually the kid blurts out, “HE’S GOT A BROKE ARM!” and the mom’s face contorts in terror while she tries not to stare at me and then yells at her kid to be quiet. Awkward. So, for all you parents, take the opportunity to teach your kid that it’s ok to be curious and then help them ask the questions they’re wondering about. Everybody wins when that happens.
We are all infatuated with differences. Did you ever have that little, thick Guinness Book of World Records when you were a kid? The one with those humongous twins on tiny motorcycles? And that super tall guy? And the dude with the fingernails that curled and curled because they were so long? Only now do I recognize the irony in my obsession with the abnormal. The fact is, differences catch our attention. And that’s not bad, it just…is. I notice people stealing glances at my arm during conversations and it doesn’t bother me a bit. I know they can’t help it. They’re not trying to be rude. It’s like looking at a white sheet of paper and trying not to stare at the bright yellow blotch in the corner. Impossible. I understand that.
And while these ideas help me to some extent, the reality is that sometimes it still hurts to be stared at. Maybe you feel the same way. Maybe you’re tall. Or short. Or overweight. Or you have red hair. Or no hair. Or you limp. Or you use a wheelchair. Or you’re blind. Or you’re a different color than all your friends. It could be anything. I want to tell you that it’s ok to not enjoy being stared at. I also want to tell you to accept that it is a fact of life. Most people don’t mean to be rude. Most people don’t even want to stare, they just can’t help it.
I challenge you to believe that you were made just right. I had an atheist college professor named Dr. Goodpaster (delicious, right?) who once asked me, “Since you believe in God, shouldn’t you be mad at him for making you that way?” Despite being horribly offensive, his question does make sense. Well, if you believe the only people worth anything are perfectly shaped. I told him that, no, I don’t believe I should be mad at God. He made me this way for a reason. And I believe He made Dr. Goodpaster the way He did for a reason.
And I believe He made you the way He did for a reason.
I believe each of us are “wonderfully made.”
And when we believe that, it’s makes surviving the stares a little bit easier.
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Wanna Make Me A Logo?
UPDATE: I decided to have Wes (www.wesdraws.com) create the logo. He’s awesome! Thanks for the input and I can’t wait to reveal it when it’s done!
This is what happens when I try to make a logo.
Not bad, but not good.
Are you creative or do you know somebody that’s good at this kind of stuff? I’d love to have a sweet logo for this blog, but I can’t do it alone! I need your help!
I’m looking for something clean, but cool. And funny. I prefer sharp edges/squares rather than circles or ovals, too. But, honestly, take a look around and just create something that you think fits. That would be insanely awesome. Once you create it, send it to me at livingonehanded (at) gmail (dot) com.
Not sure I can do a whole lot as far as compensation goes at this point, but if I pick yours and you have a blog or business, I promise to plug the heck out of it.
You guys are awesome! Thanks for all your support and your help on this! I can’t wait to see the logos you design!
Ryan
P.S. Obviously I’ll only be choosing one, so please don’t be offended if I don’t pick yours!
How To Shovel And Use A Snow Blower One-Handed
Let’s get this out of the way right at the beginning: Shoveling stinks.
And I get the sense that rings true no matter how many limbs you have.
I’ve never in my life, though, adapted a shovel to “work better” for me. I’ve always just used what’s available. In what is becoming a fairly obvious theme (to me), I just cleared snow however I could. I never thought about having one hand or having to do it differently than anyone else; I just did it how I did it…yo.
And as far as the snow blower goes, I’m pretty sure I’ve only used it about five times. Ever. I think the video reflects that accurately.
Getting a little technical for a minute: Both of these activities (shoveling and using a snow blower) cause me physical pain. My back hurts from bending over awkwardly and my wrist hurts badly while snow blowing. Snow blowing is actually worse (of the two) because I’m bent weirdly and my wrist hurts from guiding the entire machine. I fully realize there are other ways to do it, but here’s the thing…
I live in a condo. People shovel my driveway for me.
Yesssssssssssss.
(The driveway and snow blower in the video belong to my in-laws.)
How To Make A Snowball One-Handed
My son, Samuel, makes his on-camera debut in this video!
I wish the snow was thicker and more packable. And that it wasn’t -3 degrees outside. Oh, well.
Enjoy!
Standing In A Snow Storm…One-Handed
This has been a crazy winter for us here in Wisconsin. Today was only the second significant snowfall we’ve had all season! And honestly, it was pretty weak. Maybe five inches, tops. There’s still time, but this has been a pretty uneventful winter so far.
That’s why I had to get out in it, even for a minute.
Enjoy!
I Wear My Wedding Ring On My Right Hand
I threw my first wedding ring (the one I had worn for nearly nine years) into the Caribbean Sea.
My wife had inscribed, “You amaze me” in that one.
We thought long and hard about what to have inscribed in my second ring.
“You amaze me…still.”
I like it.
Ring, The Second
I never thought about the whole wedding ring situation when I was young. I mean, I was a boy, so there’s that. It just never occurred to me that I’d have to wear mine on the “wrong hand.” It’s not like I had a choice, anyway. My future wife would just have to deal with it.
And deal with it she has.
I don’t remember ever talking with her about the fact that I’d be wearing my wedding ring on my right hand. It was never an issue. I do remember, however, deciding that we would save money by getting me a simple, silver ring. We got it online for $15. And it lasted me nearly ten years.
I love what wedding rings represent; unending love between spouses. So romantical. We all look forward to sliding that ring onto the finger of the one we love. For those of us in the limb-different community, though, we need to get creative. Like Nick Vujicic. You’ve probably seen him. He doesn’t have arms or legs. He just got engaged and I’m curious about what he’s going to do. And my new friend George is missing both arms. He’s an incredible musician, so he’ll have no trouble finding a lady friend. I’m excited to see what he does one day when he’s standing at the altar ready to get married.
I’d love to hear your stories! If you’re limb-different, how did you get creative with your wedding ring? And if you’re a parent or relative of an LD child, don’t worry. Just like everything else, they’ll figure it out.
If worse comes to worse, you could always move to a country where the right hand is the right hand for the wedding ring.
On second thought…don’t do that.
Here’s how I put on and take off my wedding ring:
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I Finally Watched Dolphin Tale
“Daddy, your eyes are red. Were you crying?”
Yes, sweetheart. Daddy was crying.
I finally watched Dolphin Tale (with my kids) tonight and it was fantastic. The story was wonderful, the acting superb and the message…do I even need to say how much I enjoyed the message? And while the movie itself made me tear-up a couple times (especially when Winter showed her tail to Kyle), what really set me off was something my daughter Anna said.
At the end they show some documentary footage of people meeting Winter and at one point a little boy with two prosthetic legs walks out to the pool. I watched Anna’s eyes get big as he came into view and she whispered, “Whoa…COOL.” Her response made me so proud.
I gathered the kids around me after the movie and we talked about how we should treat people who are different than us. At one point in the movie there was a little African-American girl in a wheelchair and she only had one leg. When she was “revealed,” my son Sam said, “Creepy!” I cringed. But, it was an incredible opportunity to teach him about how to react appropriately when he sees people who are different. He totally got it, too. “I didn’t really mean ‘creepy.’ It just surprised me!” he said. We talked about how people can be different shapes and sizes and colors, but we’re all people who have feelings and deserve respect. Even though people may look different, they are living life just like we are.
“Yeah, like you, dad! You do things different, but you can do whatever you want!” Sam declared.
They’re coming around. They’re making me proud.
Thanks, Winter, for creating an opportunity to teach my kids about accepting everyone as they are.
Tell about your Dolphin Tale experience! (Read about Jordan’s amazing experience here!)
A Huge Thanks
Last week I wrote a piece for The Handwritten. I was excited for it to drive people to this blog because it seemed to fit really well. My friend Michael posted it on his site and then…
My blog got hacked.
Perfect timing, right?!
Thankfully, Ben Holmen came to the rescue. He was able to get the blog back-up and running and better than ever! I want to publicly thank him for his help and encourage you to checkout his AMAZING side projects. Seriously, they’re brilliant.
First of all, there’s BabyTattle. Custom e-mail birth announcements. They’re beautiful and you’ll save a ton of jack by doing this rather than sending physical cards.
Then there’s MistleMail. Same concept, but for Christmas cards. Bookmark it for next. I am.
Please take a minute and click those links. You’re going to be like, “Whoa…this looks great.” Serious.
Ben is a good dude. I love supporting good dudes.
You should, too.
Thanks so much, Ben!
It’s Okay to Have Fun With It…Sometimes
“What happened to your arm?”
I hear this a lot. Probably not as often as people would like to ask it, but enough. And the answer is always the same. “Oh, I was just born that way.” “Oh,” they’ll reply. Sometimes they’ll tell me about their grandpa who got his arm cutoff in a farming accident or a teacher they had in high school that was “like that.” Usually it’s a quick, open and shut case, though.
Sometimes, though…sometimes I have a little fun with it.
For instance, this summer I took my kids to the park and they were making some new friends. One little boy, he was probably six years old, came up to me and said, “Hey, what happened to your arm, man?”
“I was just born that way,” I replied.
“No, really, what happened?” he insisted.
“When I was born, I only had one hand. When you were born, you had two, right? I just had one.”
“Right, right, but what happened, man?”
I love this about kids. They literally can’t comprehend that a person could be born that way. So many kids ask me where I keep it and look behind my back and look at me as if I’m trying to trick them. It’s fantastic. So, knowing this little guy wasn’t buying it, I went for broke.
“Ok, I cut it off with a chainsaw,” I said.
“Fo’ real? Did it hurt?” he asked, completely unfazed.
“Yeah, man. It hurt a lot. But, it’s cool now. Doesn’t hurt at all.”
“Straight, straight.” And then he went and played some more.
At one point he came back and said, “Hey, mister, my sister (over on the swings) wants to see your arm. HEY, KEISHA! COME OVER HERE AND SEE THIS MAN’S ARM!” he yelled. She ran home.
Then there was the time when my cousin and I were on the McDonald’s Playground. We were young, probably eight or so. We were sitting in that saucer where you pull on the “wheel” in the middle and then it spins and spins. Sitting across from us were three little kids. They were staring and obviously scared. Eventually, one of them squeaked out, “Wh…what happened to your arm?” My cousin and I looked at each other and what I did next was mean, but hilarious.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
The kids looked at each other, confused. “Well, your arm…what happened to it?”
“I’m not sure what you…” then I looked down and screamed. “NOOOOOO! MY ARM! WHERE’S MY ARM!!”
We jumped out of the saucer and started running around, throwing wood chips, climbing the Hamburgler statue all while screaming and laughing. Finally, out of breath, we came back to the saucer. It was empty. They must have run away at some point during our freakout. Hopefully we didn’t scar them for life.
I also vaguely remember my dad saying things about sharks and alligators to little kids that would ask about it. I think he just liked to see their reaction.
Now, I’m not encouraging amputees or their relatives to do this all the time. But, from time to time, if you can read a person, it can be fun.
Mostly for you, but still…
If you’re an amputee, have you ever done this? If you’re not, have you ever had it done to you?
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