The Day I Baptized A Special Little Boy

Back at the end of October (2011), I got a message on Facebook.  It was from Mike.  I had never met Mike.  I had written some posts about being one-handed on my blog and Mike found them, which was great because his son, Grant, had just been born with a left arm exactly like mine.  “Do you perform baptisms?” he asked.  I had just done my nephew’s, so I was in the baptizing mood.  I told him yes and after some back-and-forth, we nailed down a time and place and he sent out the Evites.

Well…today was the day.

I arrived early to church to turn on the heat and get things situated, but I wasn’t early enough.  No sooner had I opened the door and thrown down some ice-melt than family started showing-up.  I didn’t even have my tie on yet.  I was getting a little nervous and trying to make sure everything was prepared just right.  But then, I started to meet the family.  I can’t remember her name, but one of the aunts came up to me and gave me a great big hug and thanked me for “doing this.”  It was the greatest.  Then I met Mike’s sister and the sponsors and the great-grandparents…it felt like a family reunion!

Eventually we all filed into the sanctuary and got the party started.  As I stood there in front of this group of amazing people, I couldn’t help but feel excited.  Maybe that’s a strange thing to feel at a baptism, but to me it was bigger than just the baptism.  It was about Grant.  And his parents, Mike and Tara.  And his big sister, Baylee.  It was about the fact, the fact, that he and they are surrounded by people who love them.  People who will be there and are learning together with them about what it means to raise a child with a limb difference.  That community is the most important thing, I believe, for Grant.  He is going to grow-up knowing that he is loved and that he can be and do whatever he wants.  I’m confident of that.

After the ceremony, we all went to lunch together.  My son Sam made a new friend in Mike’s nephew, Luka; Tara tripped over my wife’s purse and fell so hard I thought she was dead; I had a great talk with Mike’s sister Jeanne and her husband.  Another fantastic moment was when we opened our gift from Mike and Tara and it was a gift card to one of our favorite restaurants.  Actually, the fantastic moment came after that when we said, “You guys, we love this place!  How did you know?”  “Tara stalked you on Facebook,” Mike answered.  Tara, you are the best.  Then, just before the food came, Mike addressed the group.  He thanked everyone for being there and for traveling so far (especially himself – they came all the way from Connecticut!) and then he said some incredibly kind things about me.  Mike and his family helped me realize the kind of impact I can have in peoples’ lives.  And similarly, the impact they have on mine.

Everyone started to filter out after a while, so we rounded-up our kids and said our goodbyes, too.  It was sad to realize that we don’t know when we’ll see everyone again, but we’re so thankful for the time we had together.  We’ll never forget it.

And there’s always the internet for staying connected.  Like Tara’s dad said, “I guess there are some good things on there after all.”

Thank you, Schneiders, for inviting us into your lives and for helping us to end 2011 on a high note!

(For the full gallery of pictures, click here – and “Like” the page!)

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The Family!

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Tara, Baylee, Me, Grant and Mike

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Me and Grant

How To Shuffle Cards One Handed

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No idea where these are from.

I don’t think I’ve ever won a game of poker in my life.

Go Fish?  That’s a whole different story.

And Speed.  Have you ever played Speed?  I remember playing that with my siblings when I was younger.  Thinking about it now, though, I’m not sure how I did it with only one hand!

Whatever the game happened to be, there would always be a time when it was my turn to shuffle.  So, I just did it.  Sure, it’s not the prettiest method or perhaps the most effective, but it gets the job done.

What’s funny to me is that there are actually machines that shuffle cards for you, but I’ve never owned one.  I’ve actually never even used one.

And while a machine might be slicker and more effective, I don’t think I’ll ever get one.  It’s just not the same.  (You can get one here, though)

Check out my method below and make sure to leave a comment!  Especially if you have ideas for a sign-off!

(You can also get a one-handed card holder here)

Merry Christmas From LivingOneHanded.com

2011 has been an amazing year. Especially the last month or so! I had been looking forward to starting LivingOneHanded.com for a long time, so finally getting it out into the world has been so much fun. By far, the best part has been getting to hear from all of you! Your comments and emails really do mean the world to me. As much as I enjoy trying to be funny (with mixed results, I’m sure), this endeavor is all about you. All of you. Grown-ups with limb differences, parents of LD kids, LD kids, grandparents, friends…seriously, anyone who values people and believes we are all made the way we are for a reason; this is for you.

I wanted to take a second, too, to say thanks to everyone for sharing this site and the Facebook page. You’re awesome! I especially want to mention Jen at BornJustRight.com and Molly at LuckyFinProject.org and Jana at Nubability.com and Tony Memmel…thank you all for being so supportive and sharing your influence with me. And thanks to Brene Brown for helping me to start living whole-heartedly.

So, here’s to 2012. Let’s make it incredible!

Sincerely,
Ryan

Merry Christmas from the Haacks!

How To Wrap A Present One-Handed

My wife once worked at one of those gift-wrapping kiosks in the mall.

I did not.

I’m not saying I couldn’t have, but it was probably for the best.

I’ve always wrapped presents myself.  For the most part I think I’ve done pretty well with it, too.  I like the crisp lines and the angles and the strategically placed strips of tape.  I take pride in a tight, tidy package.  Especially with CDs.  They’re kind of a pain to wrap, and everyone knows what they are before they open them, but there’s some satisfaction in seeing that little square, sharp corners and all.

That said, sometimes you just don’t care what it looks like, ya know?  And that’s not a one-handed thing; that’s a human being thing.  Throw it in a bag and be done with it.

I hope your gift-wrapping experiences go off without a hitch this year!

Happy holidays!

Raising Kids Who Have All Of Their Limbs Is Tricky

In a couple weeks I get to baptize a little boy named Grant.

Grant was born missing his left arm below the elbow, just like me.

I was telling my son about it and he goes, “So, a one-armed guy is baptizing a one-armed baby? Weird.”

I asked him why he thought it was weird and he just shrugged.  I dug a little deeper and it turned out he was somewhat freaked out by a baby with one arm.  He’s used to me; his daddy with one arm.  But, that doesn’t mean he’s automatically comfortable with other people who are different than him.

I’ve never really thought about teaching my kids to accept others who are different than them.  I guess I just figured they’d do it automatically because I only have one arm.  The truth is, though, that’s not how it works.  They’re used to me, sure, but that doesn’t make them impervious to the natural tendency to be uncomfortable with others who are not like them.

I’ve gotten so many comments from parents of kids who are missing limbs since I launched this site.  I promise you, nothing makes me happier.  Every time I hear from a mom who says her son watches my videos or a dad who is encouraged to see that his son will be able to live a normal life, I smile from ear to ear.  It brings me great joy to help and encourage in any way I can.  As far as raising limb-different children, though…I can only share my experience of being raised as a limb-different person.  I’m inspired by the parents who write to me.  They are the heroes here.

Some of their stories break my heart.  The stories about their kids being followed around on the playground, being made fun of and gawked at.  I don’t remember ever experiencing that myself.  Maybe I blocked it out of my mind.  I’ll ask my mom.  Those stories are what inspired me to write “How To Survive Being Stared At.”  These kids deserve to know they are valuable and loved and created perfectly.  People can be cruel.  And kids can be cruel and not even be aware of it.

As a dad, that’s what I’ve been thinking about lately.  I have work to do with my own.  They certainly aren’t mean or rude and they probably have a bit of a head-start with me as their father, but I still need to be intentional about teaching them to accept others who are not like them.  For a kid, that’s nearly everyone, too.  People who are really tall or very short, very black or lighter brown, very skinny or overweight, people in wheelchairs and people with walking-sticks…the list goes on and on.  And every single one of those people deserves to be treated with respect and kindness.  That’s what I want to teach my own kids.

Then again, these are their best friends:

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Can anyone say United Colors of Benneton?

I guess we’re doing something right.

How do you teach your kids to be accepting of those who are not like them?

How To Put Toothpaste On A Toothbrush One-Handed

Brushing your teeth is messy business.

In the movies they’re able to keep their mouth shut the whole time and keep the mess to a minimum. I’m not able to do that. My mouth is usually wide open and toothpaste foam gets all over the place; my lips and chin, down my toothbrush, onto my fingers…it’s not pretty. And rinsing and spitting, while somewhat refreshing, is kind of disgusting.

That is why I did not film the actual brushing of my teeth. You are glad I didn’t.

Are you a “clean” teeth-brusher? Or do you make a huge mess like me?

How To Wash Your Hands One-Handed

Even though I only have one, I still call it “washing my hands.” To this day, nobody’s called me a liar.

These days, washing my hands is pretty simple. The only problem I run into on a fairly regular basis is splash-back. Especially in public restrooms. Usually the water pressure is set to fire-hose levels, so that combined with the fact that I have to lean-in a bit more to wash my left elbow leads to water-speckled pants. Usually in the groinal area, which is outstanding.

Now, in days of yore, there used to be those faucets where you had to press down on the knobs and then the water would stay on for, like, .7 seconds at a time. Those are hard for people with two hands to use. Try using them with one! I’d hit that knob, then wash, then hit the knob, then wash, etc. etc. Sometimes I’d try to hold the hot one down with my left elbow. Yeah, that never worked.

I’m thankful that phase in faucet manufacturing is over.

By the way, I don’t always wash my hands as if I’m about to perform open heart surgery. Sheesh.

(Join the LOH Facebook community and follow on Twitter, too!)

Buttoning My Back Left Pants Pocket Is Lame

Step 1: Put on a pair of pants that have pockets in the back (that close with a button).

Step 2: Try to button the back left pocket with your right hand.

Yeah.

That’s what happened to me the other day.  I was at work and noticed that my back left pocket was unbuttoned.  It was bothering the heck out of me.  My right obliques hurt because I was trying so hard to get at that dang button.  It’s not like I could ask a co-worker to button it for me, ya know?  Honestly, I almost went into the bathroom to take my pants off just to button that pocket.

And what was the big deal, anyway?  It’s not like I even keep anything in that pocket.

In case you weren’t aware (though the domain may have given it away), I only have one hand.  It’s the right one.  So, all my left pockets are unused.  And this is just one of the situations I encounter on a daily basis as a man who is living one-handed.

And this is the first post of what I’m sure will be hundreds.

Soon I’ll be posting videos of myself doing things one-handed (by popular demand) and I’ll be writing a lot about my experiences growing-up and living as a one-handed person.  I want this to be interactive and hope you’ll give your input and perspective.  I hope you’ll ask questions, too!  I hope you’ll laugh and cry and learn and be encouraged…

I hope you’ll find this to be a place of humor, help and hope.

– Ryan

P.S. To add insult to injury, there wasn’t even a button to button!  IT WAS MISSING.  Sheesh.

Missing Button

Time for some new pants.