Living One-Handed

I Couldn’t Resist

Ryan — Fri, 18 May 2012 01:00:49 +0000

During our department meeting at work today, I was afforded an opportunity I couldn’t resist.

I work in health insurance and one of the presenters was talking about the different levels of urgency for authorization requests. ”Medical urgency is the highest level and is given the most attention. These are usually life or limb situations. For instance, if this patient doesn’t receive care immediately, his heart could stop or his arm could fall off,” she said.

I put that line in my back-pocket.

When it was my turn to present, I stood in front of the crowd and said, “Listen, I’m living proof why it’s important that doctors submit authorization requests correctly. Mine didn’t and my arm fell right off.”

Who am I to turn down an opportunity for a joke about my arm?

I realize, though, it probably gets old.

It’s funny because I never used to make jokes about my arm; at least not as often. As I’ve become more comfortable with it, though, the joking and self-deprecation has increased. Sometimes successfully and sometimes not.

For instance, when I moved departments at work I went from having a huge monitor to a small one. I noticed there was a big one next to my cube, so I took it. My boss saw my huge monitor and asked where I got it from. I explained what happened and she proceeded to rattle-off a number of reasons why I couldn’t keep it. I begged. I pleaded. And finally, I very seriously dropped this on her, “Michelle…listen…I don’t ask for much. But, you have to understand…I only have one hand.”

“Good Lord…keep the monitor!” she said.

Success!

I’m noticing more and more, though, that I’m pushing it a bit. Not often, but occasionally I’ll think, “Eh…that wasn’t worth it.” I need to pick and choose my spots more carefully now. I need to be more intentional. I need to use my powers for good and not for evil. The last thing I want is for people to moan their disapproval because I’ve used the, “Sorry, can’t help…I only have one hand” joke too many times. It needs to catch them off-guard and that can’t happen if it’s overused.

Oh, the challenges of a one-handed man who deals with his insecurities through the use of humor.

That said, I will NEVER stop saying, “Hey, champ. What has one thumb and doesn’t give a crap? Ryan Haack. How ya doin’?”

Never.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Ryan — Sun, 13 May 2012 11:00:45 +0000

I’m just going to put this simply…

Happy Mother’s Day, moms!

Mom and me.

How To Swing One-Handed

Ryan — Sun, 13 May 2012 00:18:04 +0000

Swinging has never been one of my favorite things to do.

For one, I’m afraid of heights. The higher I get, the less fun I have.

Also, I get motion sickness pretty easily.

Wow…I’m super fun!

Regardless of my enjoyment level, I am able to swing.

And jump off without ending-up on America’s Funniest Videos.

Enjoy!

Post-script: After filming the video, I found the bank of swings for big kids. Outstanding.

Live A Better Story

Ryan — Sat, 12 May 2012 02:06:29 +0000

My wife and I were walking through the mall together when out of nowhere I hear, “Ryan Haack?!” Since that’s my name, I looked in the direction the voice came from. A young woman stood there smiling and waving. ”Hi!” I said. I didn’t say her name. I couldn’t remember it. Eventually I figured out we went to elementary school together. It was nice to catch-up, but afterward I felt bad.

“I hate when I can’t remember people,” I told Julie.

“Well, it’s not really fair,” she said.

“How so?” I wondered aloud.

“I mean, we all have an advantage. You’re pretty easy to remember,” she said.

I stared.

“Because of your arm! Jeez.”

Then I got angry.

Ok, not really. But, she’s totally right! You two-handers have the upper-hand (as it were) when it comes to remembering those of us with a limb-difference.

You’re welcome.

The truth is, anybody with a pronounced difference, physical or otherwise, is memorable. Could be a big nose or a bald head, Leno’s chin or Angelina’s lips, Conan’s fiery locks or Arnold’s bouncing pecs. Then there’s that total jerk. Oh, and that super nice lady. The one with the laugh.

So, what makes you memorable?

I was recently in Nashville at the StoryLine conference with Donald Miller and we talked a lot about living a better story. To me, living a better story makes you different. It makes you memorable.

We heard from a variety of people who are living better stories. There was Al Andrews, a successful therapist who decided his dream was to become a philanthropist. One problem: philanthropists need money in order to give it away. Al didn’t have it. So, he started Improbable Philanthropy. His first venture was to write a children’s book and all the proceeds will be given to charity (buy here). A noble beginning. Then we heard from Jamie Tworkowski. In 2006 Jamie met a young woman struggling with depression and self-injury. He wanted to help, so he wrote a story and then put the title of it on shirts to sell and raise money for her treatment. Eventually, Jamie founded the organization To Write Love On Her Arms; the title of his story. TWLOHA “is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide.” The reach of TWLOHA is growing exponentially and those in need are being helped. What an amazing story!

Then there’s Bob Goff.

Bob is the kind of guy you just want to be around. All the time. I mean, his sweet wife would probably have to push me out of their bed if I had my way. Bob just released a book, Love Does, wherein he shares some of his more famous stories. Like how he became the consul for the Republic of Uganda…by accident. Or the one abut the parade. See, one year Bob’s kids were talking about how boring New Years Day was, so he asked what they wanted to do. One of his daughters suggested having a parade. Bob thought it was a great idea, so they dressed-up and out they went, inviting all the neighbors. One rule, though: You can’t watch. You can only be in the parade. A perfect metaphor for life; we’re all in this together. And for years now, the New Years Day parade has grown. Families who have moved out of the neighborhood fly back to San Diego just for the parade! Here’s this year’s:

Personally, I was blown away when, as I walked-up to greet him, he looked at me and shouted, “Ryan!” He gave me a great big hug. ”I love reading what you’re writing!” he said. Me. Ryan. A guy he’s never met. Bob knows thousands of people, many of them world leaders, and yet he recognized me from our few Twitter connections. And I’m sure it didn’t hurt that I was wearing my LOH shirt. Either way, I felt loved and cared for and encouraged by this man I was meeting for the first time.

Me and Bob

Everyone says Bob is one of the best story tellers in the world. But you know why that’s even a possibility? It’s because he lives great stories. He has them to tell, because he lives them. And while it’s tempting to whine, “But he knows way more amazing people than I do and he has more money and influence and opportunity…I could never do the things he does,” I implore you not to. I’ve done it. While reading the incredible stories of limb-different people like Josh Sundquist and Kevin Connolly and Jim Abbott, I’ve thought to myself, “Why would people want to hear about my life?” Well, here’s a secret:

It’s not about me.

It’s about other people. When we help other people, we live better stories. And when we live better stories, people remember us. Know why?

Because most of us aren’t living very good stories.

Most people are letting life push them around; me included. It’s time to be more intentional. It’s time to be known for more than a big nose or a strong chin or a missing left hand. It’s time for you and me to choose to live better stories. To discover good ambitions and overcome conflict and help other people; to make a difference in the lives of those around us.

I’m fine with being recognized because of my arm, but I’d like to be known for much more.

Don’t you?

(Follow me on Twitter @livingonehanded and “Like” the Facebook page!)

They’ll Figure It Out

Ryan — Thu, 03 May 2012 02:27:20 +0000

It’s an amazing world we live in now. People everywhere are able to connect instantly. I just saw my friend Molly introduce two people to one another on Facebook in a single post. And with online forums, chat groups and communities, someone in North Dakota can simply ask if anybody around them has a limb difference and they’ll get a response. It’s crazy nuts. And pretty awesome.

This is EXACTLY how the internet works.

Growing-up, I never knew anybody “like me.” I can’t remember a single person with an arm like mine. I’ve been told that when I was younger I was taken to support groups, but I don’t remember them at all. My mom says I mostly went to help other parents see that their kid would be ok. Is that ironic considering what I’m doing now? Maybe just foreshadowing. Something like that.

The thing is, I was always treated as if I wasn’t different. I was just a kid. I played and learned and got hurt and got in trouble just like anyone else. So, my missing limb was never a defining characteristic for me. I never had a desire to have friends with one arm or anything. My limb difference was always a part of who I was, but never a big part.

Now it is. And I’m embracing it.

My mother-in-law asked me the other day, “What’s the secret to your success?” I had no idea how to respond. My wife is always talking about how much I overcame, but I didn’t experience it that way. Most people grow-up learning to do things two-handed…because they have two hands. I grew-up learning to do things one-handed, because that’s what I had. I never once thought, “How will I ever do this with only one hand??” I just did it.

This all brings me to the rub, as it were. I love making the videos for LOH and I love that they’re popular and helpful. Especially for parents and grandparents. I totally understand the desire to be able to show our limb-different kids how to do things with one hand. But…they’re going to figure it out. They’ll show you how they do things. And they won’t be thinking about adapting, they just will adapt. It will be second nature because that’s all they know.

So, it’s this weird back-and-forth for me. Part of me wants to say, “Don’t show your kids the videos! Don’t draw attention to their difference! Let them figure out how to do stuff on their own!” And it’s funny because it’s like, “Hey, everybody – my greatest pieces of advice are to treat your kids like they’re not different and not to draw attention to their difference. So, here’s my website that is completely about drawing attention to that difference.” But, I know that’s dumb. I know my insight is valuable and helpful, because you’ve told me so. I know the videos really do give ideas and launching points for your kids to learn how they do it best. And I don’t plan on stopping any time soon. I plan to help and encourage as many people as I possibly can, however I can. And I’m excited about it.

Thank you all for allowing me to grow and learn and explore what it really means to be a limb-different person. Thank you for encouraging me to share my experiences. And thank you for sharing yours! Every email and Facebook post and Tweet I get gives me a jolt of energy. You really are the reason I do this.

Y’all are awesome.

The Disabled God by Nancy L. Eiesland

Ryan — Sun, 29 Apr 2012 01:51:52 +0000

“We concede the precarious position of living a difficult life and affirming our bodies as whole, good and beautiful.” – Nancy Eiesland in The Disabled God

The Disabled God by Nancy Eiesland is a difficult read.

But, it’s worth it.

In it, Eiesland “draws on the themes and advances of the disability rights movement to identify people with disabilities as members of a socially disadvantaged minority group rather than as individuals who need to adjust. In doing so, she highlights the hidden history of people with disabilities in the church and society and points the way to a fuller version of humanity and justice.”

I’ll tell you right now, my thoughts on this will be nowhere near as analytical or intellectual as Eiesland’s. You’re welcome.

Eiesland’s work really got me thinking, though. She spends the first portion of the book detailing the Disability Rights movement. And I’m so glad she did. Honestly, “disability rights” is a somewhat alien idea to me. Unnecessary almost. Which is kind of the point, right? Now it seems like a non-issue (though I realize it still is) precisely because courageous people fought/fight for them. I’ve never encountered discrimination in my own life (that I know about) and I have these people to thank. It was eye-opening to hear of the discrimination that was and the advances that have been made.

That leads me to something I’ve had a hard time wrapping my head around. It’s the idea of realizing the necessity of being identified as part of a minority group while demanding to be treated as part of the majority. It’s hard for me because I feel like saying, “You can’t have it both ways.” On the one hand saying, “You must recognize that I am different,” and then on the other (so to speak) saying, “But you mustn’t treat me that way.” I can understand why those without obvious physical disabilities might be confused on how to treat me. And while it’s a bit confusing to me, I see the importance of it. Especially, say, 30 years ago. Drastic changes needed to be made. By identifying disabled people as a minority group and fighting for their rights a generation ago, the need for such a pronounced designation has been significantly reduced.

The main reason I got this book was because I wanted to hear Eiesland’s reframing of God as “disabled.” She did not disappoint. Her brief history of the hypocrisy of the church was interesting, also. If you look at all the Biblical references to those with “disabilities,” you mostly see one of two explanations: Either he is cursed for something he or his parents did, or he is “that way” to show the miraculous power of God. There’s very little middle ground. Either I’m being punished or I’m a miracle. Eiesland suggests that most disabled people don’t fall into either of these categories. They are simply people God created and loves and has enabled to bring Himself glory through their “normal” lives. I especially liked this quote: “For people with disabilities who have grasped divine healing as the only liberatory image the traditional church has offered, relinquishing belief in an all-powerful God who could heal, if He would, is painful! Yet, who is this god whose attention we cannot get, whose inability to respond to our pain causes still more pain? This god is surely not Emmanuel – God for us.”

Now, does God heal? I believe so, yes. Always? Obviously not. It’s logical then to believe that perfect health should not be equated with God’s favor. A person can be sick or hurt or different and still be exactly how God wants them to be. In fact, I’ve always been told that I’ll have a “perfect body” when I get to Heaven. Really? What does that even mean? Is that according to what I perceive to be perfect? Will I look like George Clooney? Yes, he’s my benchmark. The truth of the matter is, even Jesus’s “disabled” body remained after His resurrection. The holes were still there. I believe there is perfection in our imperfection. This applies to the Body of Christ, the Church, as well. We are broken, but He loves us and embraces us as whole.

These are only a few of the ideas The Disabled God sparked within me. Like I said, it’s a very heady book, but an important one if you’re up to the challenge. Eiesland does a solid job of taking her research and analysis and making it accessible to the reader.

Get your copy of The Disabled God: Toward a Liberatory Theology of Disability.

Also, don’t forget to “Like” LOH on Facebook and follow on Twitter for special content!

The Start of Something Big

Ryan — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 01:23:45 +0000

Today was amazing.

And yes, this post is going to be mostly self-serving, but gosh dang, I’m excited. Also, I’m dramatic.

Today I spoke to my first class (of 3rd graders) about treating others with physical differences respectfully. We talked about how it’s natural to notice differences, but not ok to stare. We talked about being curious and how to ask questions politely and respectfully. We talked about how important it is to not make fun of others. And I left them with this thought: YOU are valuable. Every single person is valuable. I asked if they knew what “valuable” meant and a sweet little girl raised her hand and said, “It means you’re worth something.” Perfect. I think there were a number of kids in that room who might have heard they were valuable for the first time. Or at least the first time in a long time. I was honored to tell them.

I’ll admit that the five minutes I stood in front while the kids were coming in was somewhat uncomfortable. One kid came right up and said, “You have one arm.” ”I know, right?” I said. Awesome. I told him we were going to talk about it and he seemed good with that. There was a lot of staring going on. And you know why it was uncomfortable? I wanted to engage them all! But I had to wait to be introduced, ya know? Once Mrs. Robinson introduced me, though, it was game-on. ”So, you guys are all, what…7th? 8th graders?” I asked. “NOOOOOOOOO!” they yelled. Putty in my hands. Er, hand. I was so comfortable with them and loved engaging them in the conversation. And they had wonderful questions! I showed them the jumping-rope video and they all laughed at the funny parts and clapped at the end of it. I was never more proud of what I do. ”Wow…people really do like these!” I thought. I mean, I know that already, but it was a totally different experience to see it; to see their reactions.

At the end I fielded questions and juggled for them. They all ooh’d and aah’d as I juggled and cheered when I was done. It was awesome. And a mob of them came up afterward requesting LOH cards so they could go the website later! One kid even said, “I wish I had an arm like yours.” Was I really that good? So good that I made fully-limbed children want to have less arms? Eh, he was probably an exception.

But, my very favorite part was right as I was leaving. I had demonstrated how I tie my shoes as they all gathered around me a minute before, so as I packed-up I heard one of the teachers say, “Ok, so I know you’re all very excited to try tying your own shoes one-handed, but we need to move on now and you can try that at home tonight.” They were ALL trying to tie their shoes one-handed! The teacher looked at me and playfully said, “Thanks a lot.” I could only smile.

As I left, I called my wife. “Well…that’s it. Game over. This is what I’m supposed to be doing,” I told her. And I believe that. I need to be out telling kids and adults that they are valuable and helping them to see that this is true for everyone.

And this was as good a start as any.

(I’d like to thank my friend Pakou for inviting me to speak and the staff and kids at Leopold Elementary for having me! It really was a life-changing experience. See? Dramatic.)

(I videotaped the presentation, but haven’t checked to see if it turned-out yet. I’ll let you know.)

Tony Memmel at Redamté Coffee House

Ryan — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 01:14:29 +0000

Tony Memmel played a show in Madison, WI last night and it was awesome.

I could basically end the post there, but I won’t.

It was a blast to connect with Tony again and finally meet his beautiful and talented wife, Lesleigh! They are just such kind and down-to-earth people. Plus, his beard…I’m so jealous. My wife and I brought our kids to meet them, too, and it was priceless to see my son Sam watching Tony’s every move. And later, my wife would say to me, “I wish we lived closer. They’re so great. Plus, I have about a MILLION questions for Lesleigh! She’s the only woman I know who is also married to a one-armed man!” Love it.

Haacks and Memmels showing-off our Lucky Fin bracelets!

Tony’s performance was fantastic. He made Redamté Coffee House his home and made us all feel comfortable. He even played One Week to Philadelphia, just like I “asked” him to! (I demanded it on Facebook, actually) Lesleigh sang with him on a few of the songs and their voices blend beautifully. The tour was sponsored by the Lucky Fin Project and Tony gave a nice plug and thank you from the stage, which was really cool. I hope to have video of the concert up soon!

After his performance, Tony graciously agreed to do a short interview for LOH. Enjoy!

Connect with Tony at his website, on Facebook and on Twitter!

Also, join the LOH fun on Facebook and Twitter.

UPDATE: See Tony’s FULL PERFORMANCE here! I’ve also made separate videos for each song. Enjoy!

How To Clip Your Nails One-Handed

Ryan — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 01:13:44 +0000

Listen.

I fully understand this is kind of nasty. The sound of nails being clipped is like nails on a chalkboard to me. When people do it at work (WHY??) I walk around to find the culprit and then judge them in my mind. Seriously.

Don't clip your nails at work. It's gross.

That said, I’ve had numerous requests to see how I do it. And I’m nothing if I don’t do whatever anyone tells me to do.

Enjoy the video!

Flossing is next.

Don’t forget to “Like” the Facebook Page and follow on Twitter!

Nick Newell Is The Man

Ryan — Sat, 14 Apr 2012 05:18:18 +0000

That was insane.

I just got back from a bar where I watched MMA up-and-comer Nick Newell win his fight to remain undefeated. 7-0, baby. And honestly, I don’t know how he did it. How he got out of the second round and managed to actually win the third is mind-boggling. The win was a true testament to Nick’s training, endurance, stamina, skill and determination. So proud of him.

Right after the win.

Let me tell you about watching the fight, too. It was hilarious. I was at a bar, just watching the fight by myself. Between me and the TV was a group of seven dudes playing darts and Golden Tee. None of them realized I had one arm. Finally, one of them noticed Nick and yelled, “That dude has one f***in’ arm!” They all started watching and making comments (“They prob’ly don’t let that dude wear a hook in the ring”), not knowing I was right behind them. Then one guy came over during the second round and was like, “Do you see this guy?? F***in’ amazing.” He still had no idea I had one arm. After the fight, he came back over and said how impressive Nick was and I told him I kind of know Nick. Then I gave him a LOH business card. He looked at the card, furrowed his brow, then looked back at me…and then it clicked. “Oh sh**, well now it makes sense. Awesome, man.” I couldn’t help but laugh.

What I noticed was that even though they were making comments about Nick’s arm (none of them really derogatory, just…uninformed?), none of them said anything to the effect of, “He’s really good for having one arm.” They were surprised at how good he was given his short arm, for sure, but he transcended his difference and got props simply for being a great fighter; not a great one-armed fighter. I know Nick will like that.

Great fight. Great night.

Congrats, Nick!

(Follow Nick on Twitter or “like” his Facebook page!)